Today's post was written by: Nick Pridemore, College Pastor -- Bloomington, Indiana. You can also find him on Werd Guys blogging on all things in faith & fatherhood.
At what age do you believe children can make an informed decision about their faith?
This question is huge for believers who are honestly concerned with raising children in the godliest way possible. As believers, we desire to see others come to experience the grace and forgiveness of Jesus. As believers, and really just as decent humans, we also desire the best for our children. When you put those two ideas together it is logical to assume Christian parents are concerned with their children experiencing the grace of Jesus. Therefore, this is a very significant question.
The answer may shock you. However, after years of studying theology, doctrine, church history and raising kids myself I am confident in my answer. The answer is I don’t know. Thank you, I’ll be here all week. I say I don’t know because I don’t know your child and there is no static age that applies to all children. Even among my three kids, I see a difference in the pace at which they grasp spiritual truths. My seven-year-old son is a thinker. He’s cerebral and quietly wades through topics in his head that are way beyond his age. For example, when he had just turned 5 he was riding with me in the car somewhere when he said, “Daddy, the universe is big right?” “Yep.” “Ok, but, what’s on the other side of its edge?” No response. I just sat there silently stunned and realizing my kindergartner just might be smarter than me. So he began thinking out loud. “Maybe it just goes on forever. No, that can’t be right. Nothing made up of real stuff can go on forever. It has to have an edge.” The conversation ended with me telling him I’d look into it.
I say all that to say Calvin began understanding abstract spiritual concepts fairly early. He believes in and loves Jesus and I believe it is absolutely genuine. Adi, my five-year-old daughter, is not nearly as cerebral. She is extremely relational. She loves Jesus, but in all fairness she just loves to love things. She is a princess through and through. She doesn’t walk, she glides. She doesn’t smile for pictures, she poses for portraits. If she could fall asleep snuggling furry woodland creatures while birds sing on her window sill each night, she would. So just loves loving. It may take her a little longer to make “an informed decision” that isn’t majorly influenced by the desire to love anyone.
I believe there is a distinction between believing and making an informed decision. All three of my kids believe in Jesus. But what choice do they have that this point? Especially my two-year-old. It’s not that we are brainwashing them. It’s the unavoidable reality of the parent-child relationship. Small children believe what they are told by their parents and have no reason to question those things. Mommy and Daddy believe in Jesus so it must be true.
The transition from accepting something to deciding its true varies from child to child. However, I think the following loose timeline is generally true.
Ages 0-3: The parents demonstrate faith in daily life with the children. Pray with them. Discuss God and faith in front of them. Read scripture to them.
Ages 4-5: Sincere belief is possible, though I wouldn't call it an informed decision as much as mimicking what they see in the parents.
Ages 5-8: Sometime in this range most kids will be able to make an informed decision about faith. By that I mean a conversation happens in which the child understands basic biblical truths (God exists and created us, we have disobeyed what he said was good and right, we deserve punishment, God sent his son Jesus to take our punishment, now we can love and know God because he loved us first, etc) and that he/she has to choose to partake in this of their own accord.
I know these age ranges seem broad and may feel unhelpful. However, I propose that anyone who insists there is a specific age at which all children are able to adequately understand the gospel is misinformed and/or does not have more than one child. The truth is nobody knows your kid like you. You will have a better idea than any pastor or psychologist if they are mimicking or deciding. Neither is wrong, they are just different stages of growing up in a household of faith.
Faith is supposed to be a familial thing. Tell your children and your children’s children (Deut 6:7, Deut 11:9). Train up a child in the way he should go (Prov 22:6). Do not keep the children from coming to me (Matthew 19:14). But as for me and my house, we will serve The Lord (Joshua 24:15). Then the guard and his entire family were all baptized (Acts 16:33).
So start early, know your children, and share your faith with them often. Live it in front of them and you will know when they are ready.
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