Sometimes we are asked questions about our relationship or about how we are going to raise Max and it amazes me how much ignorance is still out there so let me be very blunt in this post and tell you a few things...
Let's start by saying that these opinions are, just that, the opinions of ONE Caucasian woman married to an African American man who have a biracial child.
So let's start with good old Wal-mart...here is the gist of the story (although you can read the whole story on Huffington Post by clicking on Wal-mart above.
In Virginia, a (white) man and his children went to do their errands at a local Wal-mart. This man is married to a black woman and they have three young girls together. While in the store, a customer was alarmed by seeing the man and his children together. I believe the words that were used in one broadcast I watched were it didn't "fit." First of all, my stomach lurches at anyone thinking that me and my precious Max don't fit. The family was followed to their home in suspicion of kidnapping. They were confronted on the doorstep of their home and completely confused as to what they had done wrong. It came out that the customer felt like the children and the father didn't "match up." She was asked numerous times by the mother to help her understand what she meant and she could not bring her mouth to say what she was thinking "That white daddy doesn't match to the color of his brown kids!"
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Sorry...breaking moment of disgust. I have such a hard time with numerous components of this issue. First that Wal-mart did not just use their security or a customer service representative to look into the situation. I silently wonder if the customer was asked to describe the reasons that she was alarmed and feared kidnapping. Did the children appear scared or coerced in some way? Did the children seem to not know the man? I am sure we are all wondering the answers to these questions. My husband is a very dark black man. I am a very light white girl. Our nieces and nephews are all VERY WHITE. Anthony is allowed to take them wherever he wishes and hang out with them at will. My sisters love that he is in their lives. I would be appalled if he was accused of kidnapping them when Kaylea is jumping up and down begging Uncle Ampy to hold her or Shawn and he are running through the aisles wearing Superman capes. Seriously people, can we use some context? This is the ignorance of one customer who can not fathom that children and parents can be different shades, uncles and aunts can be different shades, etc... That family should have not have to have endured this ridiculous scrutiny because a person was HIGHLY ignorant of what families might look like today!
My son, Maxwell is a beautiful mix of his mommy and daddy. He has a beautiful light brown hue to his skin. If they ever saw Anthony and Max together and saw how much Max loves his daddy and ever see Max and I together and how he is clearly my little boy...and suggested that we took him, I would be not only angry and appalled but downright hurt. My heart goes out to this family and what they had to endure at pure ignorance. Also, while we are on it..don't immediately assume a white mommy adopted their less than white skinned child. It's rude!
To open another can of proverbial worms, have you ever watched crime related television because I sure have. I am a sucker for unsolved mystery type shows, true crime stories, etc... and I am here to tell you that I have seen plenty of WHITE males who have abducted WHITE children and killed them, sexually assaulted them, or worse...both! How many times do you think that they strolled up into THE WAL-MART and bought things with these children and didn't get so much of a second glance because "them there kids matched the man, so we just assumed thems was his children!" (Bad grammar completely warranted for my ignorant person dialect) I am done on this topic but I think you can get what I am trying to say here.
Now, onto Cheerios. Here is a small snippet of the story happening with the Cheerios company. A commercial was created for Cheerios where a little girl (who is biracial; white and black) comes into the kitchen to ask her mom if Cheerios is good for the heart. Her mother, who is white explains to her by reading the box that they lower cholesterol (blah blah blah). The little girl then runs into the living room where her daddy (a black man) is sleeping presumably and pours cheerios right where his heart is. Sweet right? Well, not according to many people commenting on YouTube.
The comments of this commercial were apparently taken over by people with opinions about biracial/multiracial families. I was not able to actually read any of the comments because they were quickly disabled due to the backlash. The fact that I even had to set up the commercial with race at all just shows you that we are way behind here. Why can't we see parents as parents and accept that families all look different. Thank God, we are not held to marrying "our own kind" anymore and we can be married and procreate with people who look differently than ourselves. Interracial Marriage was fully legalized in the United States of America in 1967. It was legal in some states before this but that date is the final date of all states allowing interracial marriage. First of all, that is incredibly sad but either way that is 46 good years that we have been allowed to have interracial marriages so I'm certain that children have come out of that equation. Why is it still so hard for people to see a brown child who came from one white and one black parent? Why is it harder for people to accept white/black individuals marrying than Asian/White, Mexican/White, etc... Yes, it is harder for people. I think that people who have trouble with interracial marriage have trouble across the board but I will tell you that I got WAY less comments from people when I was engaged to a Mexican American man about how confused my kids would be, why won't we just date our "own kind," and even being told that people were "Okay" with my union as if I gave a frilly (expletive) if people are okay with it.
My husband and I have talked this to death and there are a lot of things that we are not given because we are a black man/white woman equation. Want to know some of them??? Oh come on, sure you do! We are not allowed privacy in our bedroom! Here is a post I wrote on my own person blog about the nastiness that people say or ask me about intimacy WITH MY HUSBAND. I doubt that anyone walks up to a white couple and says "So is it true that white men have ...." and are talking about their body parts and what they will or won't do with them! We don't have the luxury of shopping without a WHOLE LOT of customer service representatives following us and wanting to help us. We have looked around too and these customers who are "with their own kind" are not given these beautiful privileges! (Sarcasm completely intended) We also don't get to parent without "your" input. We are told numerous times weekly that people are "okay" with our union and our raising children together. Well thank you random Wal-mart lady #3456, I obviously care since you are pregnant and smoking a cigarette in the parking lot, I really appreciate your incredibly well educated feedback. Now I can go on with my child rearing knowing you are okay with it. Oh and my favorite, our parents are not given just a congratulations when we got married but the ever so popular "How do you feel about (insert Erica or Anthony) marrying outside of their race?!" I have never seen people so concerned about other's feelings until race is involved. How do you feel about your daughter marrying a schmuck? Why are we not given the common courtesy of basic human manners?!
Man, this soapbox is getting VERY unsteady as I continue to rant. I just want more for Max. I want him to marry whom he wants and not be torn to bits because of it or followed home in suspicion of abducting his own children.
Oh, yes and Paula Deen. I'm far to tired to battle this one today. Please read the article and be prepared for a later and probably much more passionate post about that. Now onto say something positive and NOT sarcastic. Thank you to my friends. My friends are some of the most well-educated, tolerant, understanding, and not bigoted people I know. They have always accepted me and my preferences without a word and LOVE Anthony for being Anthony and being kind, sweet, funny, passionate, romantic, lovely, deeply good and don't ever mention his race/color unless it's appropriate in context. They also stay out of our bedroom and mind their own business. That's a start. Now if we could just get the strangers out of it we would have room to find out if those myths are true!
Now that I've offended about 99% of you, I'll let you comment. What do you think?
--Anthony, Erica, & Maxwell--
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