There are a few other things I am passionate about in being a mommy and I thought I would write about them here.
1. BOOK WORM: One of the things that I believe really got me through some difficult times as a child was books. I loved looking at picture books, being read to, and eventually my own silent reading time. I am the kid who was excited when I was assigned a book report. I love literature of any type really. I like children's lit so much and still have priceless memories of many books that guided me along the way. I like non-fiction where I can learn new things about animals, history, fun facts, etc... I am also the kid who read the entire set of Childcraft Encyclopedias and thought it was the best investment my mom ever made. P.S. She bought it from a door to door salesman because while he was there, I couldn't put them down. I do read the dictionary here and there and try to learn new words. I love reading novels now and finding an author that writes well and builds characters that I can relate to, love, hate, or even just picture in my imagination. I read parenting books, marriage books, psychology books, and even crafting books. I read instruction manuals if you leave them where I can find them. I want that for my Max. I want him to love books! What am I doing to try to create this love?...a few things. First, I read to him with his breakfast bottle every single day. Today's reading time was this gem:
2. GOD: Yes, He should have been first but these are in no particular order. I know that down the road Max has to make a choice for himself about whom he will serve. I am a Bible Believing, Jesus Loving, couldn't be anything without my faith,....Christian. Max's daddy feels the exact same way. It is our job, however, to present Jesus as what HE is really like and allow Max to see that in our lives. We try to do a few things to encourage this and focus on that goal in our lives. One of these things is we both pray with Max separately throughout the day and together as a family. I pray with him with his first bottle after reading time. We pray for Daddy while he commutes to work, we pray for family members and friends (some of you reading this are probably in our daily prayers), and we pray that mommy and daddy can parent him in the way God wants and that even though we will make mistakes, we want to quickly correct them and be honest about those mistakes. Another way we do this is that we recently chose "God parents" for Max. In doing this, we were not focused on finding a couple who could take our child if we both passed away although that is something we have a plan for as well. We chose a couple who are of the same faith as us, have been married longer than us, have children of their own, hold the same values/morals/standards for their children as we do, and are people that we love so deeply that we trust them to help us guide Max spiritually. They are precious to us and we are already going to them with questions, concerns, prayers, and to ask for guidance about future things like discipline. It is so helpful to have them to go to for help. Another way that we focus on God in parenting Max is to really treat each other the way God points out in scripture. I honor Anthony in front of Max, don't talk disrespectfully to him, and try to live by Proverbs 31 each day. Anthony is the spiritual leader of our home, talks sweetly and kindly to me, treats me as Christ treats the church and faithfully puts us first in his agenda each day with sacrifice. He is a wonderful husband and father. I believe that these legitimate action steps will more likely lead Max to see Jesus clearly and love him rather than us SHOVING IT down his throat and forcing him to practice Christianity. I fully believe that nothing I say will create a genuine relationship with God for Max...what I do in front of him and how I treat him and his father are everything!
3. DEVELOPMENT: Again, I know I am a nerd but I want my child to have every opportunity to reach his potential in life so I am a stickler for toys and activities that help him do that as opposed to holding him back. Right now, Max is still little so this is less of an issue but we do limit TV time, we do exercises like tummy time, we take walks, we spend time with our family, we play with toys, we have conversations, we practice word sounds, etc. The therapist in me knows that these days are just as important as school days. This boy is growing so much right now in his brain and it's time to focus on things that matter. I also take every opportunity to let him know that emotions are okay. Anthony and I both feel that it is important that he understands that is okay to be sad, angry, frustrated, etc... It's all about how we handle those emotions. Right now, this just means comforting him when he needs it, meeting his needs accordingly, and validating him with words he may not understand yet but he needs to hear. For example...babies whine a lot even when they don't need anything. Sometimes they are bored just like us. I usually say something to Max like "Honey, I know that you are bored right now and probably fighting a nap. I love you and I hope that you are able to get some rest. I sure don't like being bored. One day you'll have so much to do!" Yes, I do get aggravated by whining. It makes me want to drink! I also know that my feelings are just feelings and that I can control how I respond to those feelings. I take a break if I need it, I comfort him, and I remind myself that he does not have any words yet and that would be very frustrating!
4. FAMILY: Although my family hasn't always been a place of comfort and love, I want Max to have that. The ways that I focus on that are pretty simple but super important to me. Every Wednesday, we spend the day with Nanny (Erica's Mom) My mom is recently disabled and lives alone. She often gets lonely and bored and also has a hard time doing certain things for herself. I have started taking Max over to her house after Anthony leaves for work and we clip coupons together, she snuggles Max, and I make her dinner for the night. I usually try to make more complicated dishes that she would have more trouble doing herself due to being in a wheelchair about 99% of the time. I think that teaches Max a sense of responsibility to your family and a servants heart as well. We get picked up after Anthony gets off of work and go home and have our family time in the evening. Also, he spends quite a bit of time visiting with my sisters (Hilliary & Brittany) and his cousins (Shawn, Kaylea, Madelyn, Johnny, Everleigh, and soon to be baby) Another important thing we want him to understand with family is boundaries. We teach him that by doing one day a week with my mom and not several, choosing to stay home some times and not always be a part of family activities and keeping OUR FAMILY time sacred. We spend every Monday just myself, Anthony, and Max. That is something we are serious about and ask our family members to respect that time together.
Anthony's family are all in California so we have to do family time a bit different with them. The thing we have done since Max was born are monthly update letters/pictures. Each month, I write a letter from Max to his GG (Anthony's mom), his grandma and grandpa Lewis (Anthony's dad and step-mom), his Uncles (Paul & David) and several of our friends in California who are like family to us. I include a picture or pictures of the current month and talk about all of his milestones and adventures. I am hoping it makes them feel connected between visits and helps them build a relationship with Max and know him.
5. SELF CARE: This is less of an issue in our house but one I wanted to touch on. When we initially sat down as a family and talked about responsibilities between Anthony and myself in parenting we knew it meant we had to give each other times alone and we had to share the load in terms of responsibilities. Parents who are burnt out and verbally abusive are most of the time (if not all of the time) parents who do not take time for themselves and do self care. I am the main caretaker in our house as Anthony works full time. I will be working a few hours starting in the fall but mostly..I am a stay at home mom. I have Max about 80% of his life...by myself. I do all of the feeding, diapers, care, and responsibilities in those times. I am 100% okay with this! I chose it! Although that is true, I did not stop being Erica the day that I became mommy. I take my time to be Erica when I can. Here is how we work our schedule. Each day, Anthony gets up in the morning and does most of Max's morning schedule. He gets his first diaper change done, dresses him, and gives him his breakfast bottle. While he is doing these things, I cook breakfast for us and pack Anthony's lunch for work. Anthony leaves for work and then it is MOMMY time. I do all of his care for the next 10 hours. Anthony gets home and gets settled and he takes over. He does bath time every night, gets Max into jammies and puts him to bed. This is when I start cooking dinner for us and we both set down and enjoy time together. Sometimes this is tv time for us, conversations, playing candy crush, whatever. It is our married time. My time comes when Anthony is busy with Max and I have nothing else to do so sometimes I go out on our balcony and read my Bible and pray, read a book, or even just be quiet and still. The best thing is that Anthony is off on Mondays and Tuesdays so Mondays we spend as a family and Tuesdays is Max and Daddy day. Anthony gives me the whole day to do what I want or need to do. Sometimes I run errands, get coffee by myself, have a friend date, lay in bed and read, or even do a household organization project that I can't swing with a baby. I will soon be using some of those hours to work and that is good time for me as well to be away and miss my sweet pea. My Tuesday night I am refreshed and ready for another week of MOMMY TIME!
These are just some of the things we are doing to enforce values in our house. I am curious to hear what you do?!
--Anthony, Erica, & Max--
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