So yesterday was a big day for Anthony and I. We had our first ultrasound with our little baby Lewis. Our last experience with this was a tragedy to say the least. Yesterday morning we prayed in the parking lot of the doctor because we knew that our nerves were on edge in thinking what the possibilities could be. When we got into the ultrasound room, Jesus had gone before us. My doctor is a Christian and a friend of our family and on the wall was the verse "He leads me beside still waters" and a picture of Jesus holding a lamb was beside that. The room had dim lighting and the music on in the room was Praise & Worship. More specifically the song "It is well" which happens to be one of my favorites in dealing with some of the painful things that we have gone through in our quest for a little one.
Almost immediately we saw a gestational sac and there was a heartbeat!!!! We are so excited and hopeful for our little one to be with us in Spring next year. We will continue to pray, continue to trust God, and continue to go forward in hope. We are taking this small victory though and praising God for it is well with our souls!
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Friday, July 27, 2012
The clock is ticking, 8 weeks down
Well here we are at 8 weeks pregnant! It has been a very interesting journey and some pretty amazing things and tragic things have already happened in my first trimester. My nephew Johnny was born on June 29th and we had no idea we were pregnant yet, but we sure were. Then, a few days ago my best friend from California was told by her husband that he wanted a divorce. It was something that really made me stop and think about parenting and how that looks in a marriage. Anthony and I are very strong in our marriage for sure and we work very hard on it by having weekly time set apart for us, great communication, and a deep and thriving friendship/intimacy. Even though that is true, I started to realize how much more is at stake once you have this little person that depends on both of you to have a life that is fruitful and wonderful. It was a very scary realization as I did not see my friend going through a divorce although I was aware of problems. I feel like giving up was not an option and he clearly disagreed with my dear friend who did not want this for her life.
Yesterday, we learned that one of our friends was in a motorcycle accident with her new husband of two weeks. They were hit by a truck and the person driving the truck did not stop at all. She only had minor injuries but her husband lost his life in this tragic accident. It completely floored us and again had me reflecting on what it looks like to create this little life and then possibly leave them behind or have our spouse die and they lose that part of their childhood. Yesterday, my sister also had an emergency C-section and my sweet niece Everleigh was born. It has been an emotionally overwhelming week. I haven't been able to really think about the pregnancy or prepare in any way. On top of all of that, my other sister (who has 4 week old baby) had a terrible week as her husband lost his job. This was an unexpected loss and not one that they were prepared financially for so there is a lot of stress and trauma going on in our lives.
Even though that is true, I still feel incredibly grateful to have made it to this point of 8 weeks and still be pregnant. My symptoms are relatively mild in that I get nausea here and there, heartburn at times, and the main symptom is exhaustion. I take more than one nap a day so that is pretty heavy. Yesterday I received my first two maternity tops in the mail that I found online on clearance at a great store for plus size maternity called Motherhood Plus. I love them and they fit so well. My clothes are all starting to be very tight fitting and my jeans are the worst. Another symptom I have had a lot of which isn't necessarily typical this early is swelling. I am retaining a lot of water in my legs/feet so it is uncomfortable after a day of work/sitting around.
One thing that is weighing pretty heavy on my mind is the nursery. We have an extra room right by our bedroom that is the perfect size for a child and really has so much potential. The problem: It is full of things we haven't moved into our apartment yet. It is disorganized, messy, and full of junk. I want to get rid of 80% of the items that are in there and I want to organize the other 20% of it and put it in the appropriate rooms so that room is empty and ready to be a blank canvas for our little sweetie! I really can't make any progress on the nursery until we know a gender but things like the crib, car seat, high chair, pack & play, changing table, dressers, etc... can be purchased gender neutral so I have to get crackin' on that nursery! That being said, refer back to my pregnancy symptom of being exhausted. I will spend about 20 minutes straightening the house and have to lay down and nap it off. It is crazy how tired I have been. I relate it to having a diabetic high. It makes you feel stuck to the bed. I have experienced that so many times so this does not feel foreign but always has me checking my sugar just to make sure I am okay!
Overall, this week has been a very difficult week but it has flown by which is helpful when you are trying hard to keep yourself occupied through the first trimester to not worry yourself sick. This experience has so far been pleasant and I feel fine. This is a great place for me to talk since we aren't really telling people that we are pregnant yet. By the way, we have a great idea I found on Pinterest to tell everyone that we are pregnant. I can't wait to share the idea on here and see how it turns out!
I am really looking forward to my first ultrasound coming up this next Tuesday and seeing my little cupcake for the first time. I really hope to hear a heartbeat heavy and strong as well and really have that moment that we did not get to experience with our first angel. We are looking forward and grateful to every experience that parenting holds! Thank you Jesus once again for our little miracle after 3 years of feeling hopeless.
Erica
Yesterday, we learned that one of our friends was in a motorcycle accident with her new husband of two weeks. They were hit by a truck and the person driving the truck did not stop at all. She only had minor injuries but her husband lost his life in this tragic accident. It completely floored us and again had me reflecting on what it looks like to create this little life and then possibly leave them behind or have our spouse die and they lose that part of their childhood. Yesterday, my sister also had an emergency C-section and my sweet niece Everleigh was born. It has been an emotionally overwhelming week. I haven't been able to really think about the pregnancy or prepare in any way. On top of all of that, my other sister (who has 4 week old baby) had a terrible week as her husband lost his job. This was an unexpected loss and not one that they were prepared financially for so there is a lot of stress and trauma going on in our lives.
Even though that is true, I still feel incredibly grateful to have made it to this point of 8 weeks and still be pregnant. My symptoms are relatively mild in that I get nausea here and there, heartburn at times, and the main symptom is exhaustion. I take more than one nap a day so that is pretty heavy. Yesterday I received my first two maternity tops in the mail that I found online on clearance at a great store for plus size maternity called Motherhood Plus. I love them and they fit so well. My clothes are all starting to be very tight fitting and my jeans are the worst. Another symptom I have had a lot of which isn't necessarily typical this early is swelling. I am retaining a lot of water in my legs/feet so it is uncomfortable after a day of work/sitting around.
One thing that is weighing pretty heavy on my mind is the nursery. We have an extra room right by our bedroom that is the perfect size for a child and really has so much potential. The problem: It is full of things we haven't moved into our apartment yet. It is disorganized, messy, and full of junk. I want to get rid of 80% of the items that are in there and I want to organize the other 20% of it and put it in the appropriate rooms so that room is empty and ready to be a blank canvas for our little sweetie! I really can't make any progress on the nursery until we know a gender but things like the crib, car seat, high chair, pack & play, changing table, dressers, etc... can be purchased gender neutral so I have to get crackin' on that nursery! That being said, refer back to my pregnancy symptom of being exhausted. I will spend about 20 minutes straightening the house and have to lay down and nap it off. It is crazy how tired I have been. I relate it to having a diabetic high. It makes you feel stuck to the bed. I have experienced that so many times so this does not feel foreign but always has me checking my sugar just to make sure I am okay!
Overall, this week has been a very difficult week but it has flown by which is helpful when you are trying hard to keep yourself occupied through the first trimester to not worry yourself sick. This experience has so far been pleasant and I feel fine. This is a great place for me to talk since we aren't really telling people that we are pregnant yet. By the way, we have a great idea I found on Pinterest to tell everyone that we are pregnant. I can't wait to share the idea on here and see how it turns out!
I am really looking forward to my first ultrasound coming up this next Tuesday and seeing my little cupcake for the first time. I really hope to hear a heartbeat heavy and strong as well and really have that moment that we did not get to experience with our first angel. We are looking forward and grateful to every experience that parenting holds! Thank you Jesus once again for our little miracle after 3 years of feeling hopeless.
Erica
Saturday, July 21, 2012
7 weeks and counting...
I always assumed when we became parents (officially) that I would want to have a place to jot down the happenings in our life. I'm finding that is still true as I peruse various mommy blogs while reading about pregnancy symptoms in the first trimester. I had no idea that I would want to learn more about parenting this early but I am really proactive when it comes to things that matter. I will take a minute to introduce myself and Anthony, my husband. We have been married almost 4 years now and have lost one child to a late term miscarriage and are now pregnant again and in our 7th week of pregnancy. So far, so good. It took 3 full years to get pregnant again so we are really excited about possibly seeing our dream of having a child come to fruition. We really don't have much of a desire to have more than one child. We realize that financially, emotionally, and physically...that is probably the best goal for us.
I'm Erica. I turn 32 on August 9th, the same day Anthony and I will be married for 4 years. We got married on my 28th birthday and it was the best present I have ever received. My struggles with parenting and just life in general begin at the age of 16. I was diagnosed with Type I diabetes and it was such a turning point for me in life and my health has declined considerably over the years of battling denial with the illness. Our first (unsuccessful) pregnancy was the change for me. I began to be very good at caring for myself and have since seen a incline in my health.I guess it is important to note that Anthony and I are a biracial couple. That is something that makes our journey unique as well as the battle with diabetes in our home. We moved to Indiana almost a year ago so now we are facing different challenges in our relationship than we did where we started in Southern California.
I am from Southern Indiana so this is my neck of the woods and I am quite used to the mindset of people around here and their preconceived notions of biracial families. I have no problem with people having differing opinions even if they aren't well researched. I try to let people have their own thoughts, feelings, and emotions about our relationship. I certainly have feelings about things that aren't particularly my business either. In parenting, people seem to have strong opinions about mixing races and they often quote that they feel that our children will be "confused." I am hoping to chronicle our journey through raising a biracial child in a loving and happy home and see if the confusion is more about the people who feel that way and less about the children that are a product of these biracial relationships. I am prepared for my child to meet all kinds of trials such as the normal childhood trials of bullying, awkwardness, broken friendships, heartbreak and I am expecting them to meet some more challenges like stereotypes, discrimination, racism and downright hate. That saddens me but I do not feel that it is my job to help people feel more comfortable in their ugliness.
Anthony is from Southern California and is African American whereas I am a good old white girl from the sticks. We have been together for over 6 years and dated for 2 years before getting married. We were able to spend 5 of those years in a very diverse and accepting environment where we faced minimal conflicts about our races. We have been here almost a year and have faced a few issues but to be honest, many less than we imagined when moving. It is certainly a different place than it was when I left 10 years ago. I only hope that when our child starts school, it is even further advanced.
My hope for the blog is that I can walk through the journey of a Type I diabetic in a biracial marriage ( a very happy one at that) becoming a mama for the first time and letting this be my place to ask questions, divulge hardships, state what works, and overall just be able to fellowship with other people in this journey of motherhood no matter what your race or health status. It is important to note that Anthony and I are also Jesus Christ followers. Most people will just say they are Christians and that fits us too but I want it to be clear that we want to live a life pleasing and in mimic of Jesus Christ. We are all the time trying to find ways to be better at that in our marriage, as people, and now ...as parents.
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