Soul Food Sunday #4: Serving with your kids

This post was written by Nick Pridemore, College Pastor, Bloomington, Indiana. You can also find him at werdguys blogging on all things faith and fatherhood.

How do you build a family who serves others consistently as Jesus instructed us?

There is no doubt serving others is a central theme in Scripture. To truly live the Jesus life is to serve others. Jesus said greatness is found not in accolades and fame, but in putting others ahead of yourself, then he used himself as the prime example saying even the Messiah came to serve (Mark 10:44-45).

Figuring out practical ways to serve others is an increasingly important topic to tackle. It’s not that the act of serving has become inherently more important over the years since Jesus said these things. However, it is true that our society is becoming inherently less oriented towards service. The culture in which we live is hyper-focused on autonomy and comfort. We don’t want to feel responsible for others or burdened with their problems. Because this mindset is so prevalent in our society even sincere believers have been coaxed into thinking they are fulfilling the command to serve as long as they give to charity, which facilitates other people serving other people. That is not the case. We are called to serve directly (Matt 23:11, Matt 25:40, Mark 9:35, Gal 5:13-14, Phil 2:1-4). We are called to get our own hands dirty helping others. Because the scriptural teaching and definition of serving will be counter-cultural to our children it is important that we teach and model biblical service.

Learning to serve others starts in the home. If my kids hear me teach on putting others first to our college group, but do not see me serving my wife they will assume it is not really important. So, personally, I strive to serve my wife, both because she deserves it and as an example to my kids. We also try to ingrain in our kids the idea that helping others should be your natural habit. So, for example, when my wife goes grocery shopping we all (including my 2 year old) stop what we are doing and help carry in groceries. There are countless ways to instill the idea of serving among your family. 

Then we start taking the idea outside our 5 person nucleus and applying it to others. Teaching kids about serving is most effective when its contextualized to them. Here's an example, we often go to other people's houses for dinner or to hang out or whatever. If a particular house has toys, my kids generally play with those toys. But they know when I say "We are going to leave soon" that means they start picking up the toys they played with. Its a great chance to talk about how we treat others. We discuss that it would be unfair to make a mess and expect someone else to clean it up. In fact, not only do we clean up what we have done we also do extra. We leave things better than we found them. Because they have this frame work in their heads when it comes to toys it makes it very easy as they get older to apply the same ideas to the rest of life. 

 We also look for chances to serve in everyday life. My son loves holding the door for people at the store. We help people pick up things they drop. We stop and see if we can help the person stranded on the road. My kids choose some of their own toys a few times a year to give to kids without toys. I hope these examples are not coming across in a braggy tone, because that is not my intention. There is nothing to be impressed with here. The realty is these are all very easy ways to demonstrate the attitude of a servant. And that's the key; instilling an attitude of service in my kids. I don't want to force them to serve others. I want them to see me enjoying serving others and then follow suit. This is not to say we only serve others when it is easy and immediately enjoyable. We should strive to serve others even when it is costly and painful. Especially when it is costly and painful. But even those times provide opportunities to discuss the sacrifice of serving, Jesus' sacrifice for us, the ability to feel satisfaction in doing what is right even when it is not fun and other important lessons. 

Soul Food Sunday #3: Teach them how to pray! Part I

This post was written by Nick Pridemore, College Pastor --Bloomington, Indiana. You can also find him at WerdGuys blogging on all things Faith and Fatherhood.

How can we teach our children to pray and how does that look over the course of their childhood, babies to school age?

Part 1

Teaching your child to pray is something that should happen naturally and organically, yet also requires a great deal of intentionality. By that I mean it should be something you are purposefully teaching them through discussions and looking at scripture, but it should also be something that you do often enough on your own that your kid would learn a great deal without you meaning for them to. Joshua sat outside Moses’ tent and listened to him talk to the Lord (Exodus 33:11). Samuel learned to interact with God through the explicit instructions of Eli (1 Samuel 3:1-10). Both are important, instruction and example.

The most poignant scripture on learning to pray is in Luke 11 when Jesus taught his disciples with The Lord’s Prayer. However, what is often overlooked is the fact that Jesus had been praying on his own, which prompted the disciples to ask how they also should pray (11:1). So step number one is for you to prioritize prayer in and for yourself. I touched on this last Sunday in discussing how to lead your children to the cross. Really, it’s a leadership principal that isn’t limited to spiritual matters. You cannot lead someone somewhere you have not gone yourself. My children may understand what I tell them about prayer, but they will practice what they see me doing with prayer.

Another key is to start early. When my wife was pregnant with each of our kids I loved to get close to her basketball-belly and talk to my kid. The idea that my son or daughter would be born already knowing the sound of my voice was incredibly meaningful to me. So I would often lean in close and pray for them. Also, pray as you spend time with them as infants. Obviously, they will have no real idea to whom you are talking or what is being said for many months, but pray with them anyway. I love to hold one of my kids, walk around the house and just talk to God. When the concept of prayer starts to make sense to them I would much rather their thought be, “Oh, so that’s what Daddy is always doing” than “Oh, that sounds weird”.

The next step of learning to pray in our home is nightly family prayer time. My wife and I take turns saying the first prayer. We always start by telling God we love him and how thankful we are for different things. Then we pray for each of our kids individually, and then for the three of them together. A very abbreviated example would be “Jesus, we love you. Thank you for loving us first and saving us. Thanks for great weather today. I pray for Calvin. Help him to do well on his spelling test. I pray for Adi. Help her ouchy foot to feel better. And I pray for Amelia. Help her to learn to obey and not throw fits. Help all of my kids to know you and love you. I pray that they would bring you glory and point other people to you. Amen.” Again, that’s very abbreviated.

After the grown up prays each of the kids pray. It’s amazing how much of their personalities come through in their prayers. Calvin is the king of memorization, so his prayers usually sound very similar and always follow the same format. Adi, our artistic princess, can pray for a VERY long time. Her prayers usually meander around in a freestyle conversational tone in which she is sincerely conversing with Jesus. Something like, “…and help all the birds to have homes and food. It’s supposed to rain tomorrow so please let all the animals in the woods find a dry place. And help Rashel (a boy we support in Bangledesh) to have food and water and toys. I hope he has lots of apple juice. Well, that is if he likes apple juice. Maybe he doesn’t. So maybe you could get him lemonade…” Yeah, it’s pretty sweet. And our youngest is only 2, so we still help her pray in a repeat-after-me fashion. There are other things that we consistently pray for as a family (friends and family, missionaries, local and world events/tragedies, etc), but that gives you a rough idea of what family prayers look like in our house. The point is, they hear us pray and then they get to pray.

Sonny Saturday #4: Read & Build

Today I wanted to highlight a toy that Anthony and I are really excited about incorporating into Max's life when he starts building. Blocks are one of the biggest selling boy's toys around, mostly from the Lego company. I love Lego and really love the problem solving, instruction following, and developmental play that they provide. As you probably know, Lego has a brand underneath them for smaller kids called Duplo. We have already bought Max a bag of Duplo blocks ($5.00 at Black Friday last year) for regular building experience.

We ran into something pretty awesome at the store though when we were looking for the younger side of Lego. We found these!

They are meant for the 1.5-4 year old class of kids and are a story book that comes along with the bricks to build characters or items from the story. I have seen this one (Let's Go! Vroom!) as well as Busy Farm, Jungle Animals, Grow Caterpillar Grow, and various others. Each page has a bit of the story as well as small pieces of building instructions so that your kiddo can build as they read about the character. I loved these as they incorporate literacy with fine motor skills. You could also challenge your little one to build something new with the blocks once they have mastered the character in the story and use their imagination to build onto the story. These are a great idea for a new reader or even a little bitty that you want to start to appreciate story telling and building at the same time. This is a great way to involve a boy in book reading because of their active natures. It is easier to sit and listen to a story if you have something to do with your hands to incorporate their energy.

Anyway, I thought these were great and wanted to recommend them to all of you with little guys!

Happy Play time!

--Anthony, Erica, & Maxwell--

Family Friday #3: Embracing each other's hobbies

Update on goal: Our goal that we set was to get out of debt by 2015, I wanted to update you on our progress over this last week. Anthony has been busy looking for a second job that he could do part time in order to add a little income to our home and little output to our debts. He has had a few interviews so please keep him in your prayers. I have also decided to take on becoming a Thirty-One Consultant starting in August. I am hoping it is a profitable idea for me and it will also help me organize the house at a fraction of the price since I buy the stuff anyway! Also, I have been in touch with the financial assistance departments of Indiana University Health as well as Norton Hospital in order to find some reprieve from the medical bills. I have a few more hospitals to contact but I have paperwork printed for the two I mentioned above and am gathering documents to apply for the assistance. Please keep us in your prayers for grace!

Now, today I wanted to talk about something we do as a family that helps us spend time together and to really bond as a family. I am an avid reader and Anthony is a movie lover! We would like Max to be exposed to both things with appropriate boundaries of course. Since we love these things, we have started to do certain things together to foster that love in each other and in Max. First of all, Anthony and I always are reading a book together. We read a chapter each out loud at night so we can have a story brewing together to discuss. I value this time so much as it bonds us together and helps us have tons of stuff to talk about and chew up (depending on the book) It is not always a learning book but sometimes it is. Right now, we are reading a horror book actually and really enjoying it.

We also do this with movies, however...we spice it up a bit. We usually will theme a night to a movie including what we have for dinner. For example, if Lady & The Tramp is in store, we are having spaghetti and garlic bread for dinner. If (for a more adult theme) we are watching Forrest Gump, we are having Shrimp! This fun activity always has us thinking of movies we can theme to dinner and let's us enjoy a great movie together and foster Anthony's hobbies.

Sometimes, an even better thing we have done is read a book together and then, if the book is made into a movie..follow it up with movie theme night! It shows us both that we corporately enjoy story telling...one of us is just visual and the other more verbal. This is a very cost-effective way to spend time with your family for sure. We use the library to pick our books or Inklings (a used bookstore locally) and with movies we usually use our Netflix account (at $8.00 a month) or use a free rental code for redbox and I just budget the groceries around that idea.

What are your cost effective ideas to get your family together? I love new suggestions!

Thankful Thursday #3: New Relationships and development

Thursdays are dedicated to Anthony and I and our thankfulness in regards to parenting. Today, we wanted to talk about one that has come up recently. We are very thankful that parenting has stretched our relationships with others and also brought new relationships into our lives. When we did not have children, it was really hard to understand some of our friends who did have children and it certainly caused us to not be able to hang out as much. It also made some people a little bit inaccessible to us.

We are building new relationships constantly now that we have Max. We have new relationships with our doctors who take care of Max, people in our lives who treat him like family, and other sources that we would never have looked into before children. Also, our relationships with our friends (with children) are changing and growing and I'm able to go to my girl-friends who are moms and get advice and Anthony is able to go to his guy-friends who are dads and seek the same. It has been a beautiful new experience of being parents. Some of this can be difficult as relationships change with our friends who do not have children, but we know that those will grow in different ways.

Do you have more friends or less friends since having children? Did your relationships grow due to children? Let us know!

--Anthony, Erica, & Maxwell--

Wow me Wednesday #3: Secret Service

This week, I ran into a great idea on a blog and it was something I immediately wanted to file away for later use. I hope you all can use this idea as well. One of the things that Anthony and I decided that we wanted to instill in Max was a servant's heart. We started by making piggy banks in his room that are labeled "Share, Spend, and Save." That share bucket is a very important one because when Max gets old enough to decide, we are going to let him choose where that money goes. It is important to teach your kids early that there are plenty of people out there with less than themselves and people who genuinely need help. We are okay if Max chooses not to help people and instead helps animals as well. There are plenty of needs at the humane society. We really want Max to use his own passions and reach out to the population he is most driven to help. We know that everyone has different passions and concerns.

This blog post was really neat because it is an exercise of learning to serve in anonymity. In scripture, it says "When you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing." Matthew 6:3 That is pretty private if one hand does not know what the other one is doing. We want to teach that component of giving to Max as early as possible. It is a blessing to others when they don't have to extend a thank you card or a "payback" on a kind deed. We have had many anonymous kindnesses extended to us over the years and it is nice not to feel indebted when someone helps you.

You can find the blog post here. The idea is that you get a top secret envelope and you choose one person to "target" each of seven days. It also comes with print outs for ideas for little ones to serve. I hope you get inspired by this idea like I did and teach your kids ways to give and to give without the thank yous and without recognition!

--Anthony, Erica, & Maxwell--

Title Tuesday #3: Wild At Heart continued

Sadly I will not be able to post about Wild at Heart because I have looked high and low and can't seem to find it. I looked at the used bookstore and the library and nothing yet. I need to try another library and Anthony says we have a copy in our storage so when I find it, I will continue the read. I read the first chapter online. Please stay tuned next Tuesday for more commentary on the book (fingers crossed)

--Anthony, Erica, & Maxwell--

Soul Food Sunday: How do you lead your children to the Cross?

Today's post was written by Nick Pridemore, College Pastor -- Bloomington, Indiana. You can also find him on WerdGuys blogging on all things faith and fatherhood.



How do you share Jesus with your children and live in front of them in a way that leads them to the cross instead of running madly away from it?

This answer centers around one absolutely crucial thing: that you, yourself, have a living relationship with God. I have seen this seemingly obvious requirement cause frustration in parents countless times. I spent several years in youth ministry and saw this all the time. Parents who were not cultivating a meaningful relationship with Jesus on their own would come to me and say, “I just can’t get lil Timmy to care about church or God.” Oh really? I’m so surprised.

Suppose your family tradition is that each person in your home has a really expensive vase. Yeah, that would be a really weird tradition, but it’s early. Give me a break.  Anyway, suppose you harp on your children every day to take care of the vase. You say things like, “This vase is the most important thing you have. You have to care about this vase because this vase is part of your identity.” Meanwhile, your vase is in a box in the corner, shattered into a hundred pieces and covered in dust. No effort is ever made to repair the vase or even get the dust off of it. Would you really be surprised if your kid had a hard time seeing the vase as important?

This makes sense to us very quickly in other areas, but is often overlooked in the area of faith. James talks about the importance of faith being seen and the deadliness of only claiming to have faith. Peter, speaking to church leaders, said “Don’t lord it over the people assigned to your care, but lead them by your own good example (1 Peter 5:3). If this is how I am to reveal Jesus to people I hardly know, then certainly my own beloved children deserve the same.

If you don’t pray they will wonder why you ask them to. If you don’t read Scripture they will wonder why you ask them to. If you panic every time something bad happens they will wonder what the point of faith is. If you live in front of them as though Jesus’ teachings mean nothing (ie gossiping, slandering, fostering addictions, harboring un-forgiveness, etc) they will naturally assume the teachings of Jesus are not that important. The most natural and organic way to share Jesus is not through formal instruction, but for them to see your actual relationship with Jesus. And by this I don’t mean “take ‘em to church!” I believe being part of a covenant community is important, but taking your kids to church is not the totality of modeling faith for them. Church is less than half of the equation. A fraction of the equation. If you want the gospel to take root in your child’s life and shape the way she lives, then she needs to be seeing how the gospel is shaping your life. So step one is make sure your relationship with Jesus is growing and alive. Not perfect, but alive and heading in the right direction.

I’ll share two other thoughts that I see as important. I have found that after letting them see my own faith in daily life the second most important thing is transparency. Something that has been monumental in my parenting is bringing my kids into an awareness that I mess up. Of course, this is to be done with tact and discretion. I’m not saying if you struggle with alcoholism that you should bring lil Suzy to the bar so she can see your struggle. But I am saying be transparent and vulnerable about parenting and other issues your kids are old enough to understand. I have gone to my kids a gazillion times to apologize. “Hey buddy, Daddy shouldn't have been so stern there, that wasn't your fault.” “Come here sweety, I thought what happened was this, but it turns out I was wrong and that actually happened.” “Look, Daddy just messed up. I shouldn't have responded that way, that wasn't the way Jesus would want me to respond. I did it wrong.”

This may be intimidating to some. After all, “I’m the big smart parent. I can’t let the kid think I don’t know what I’m doing. Even if I don’t know what I’m doing I’m the parent so whatever I say or do is the rule.” You may not think that as straightforward as I wrote it, but many parents operate that way. That’s so unhealthy. To be honest, it turns kids away from faith. Presenting yourself as infallible will only make your child resistant to your faith. They will either be thinking, “I’ll never measure up to Mom. I’ll never be good enough, so what’s the point?” or, “Mom is such a hypocrite. She thinks she’s always right, but I see the truth.”

So, be honest about your faults. Apologize when you drop the ball. And don’t be afraid to tell your kids you don’t know something. Here’s why this is important in teaching your kids about Jesus. Being honest and transparent in this allows countless teaching opportunities and bonding moments as you tell your children, “Dad needs the grace of Jesus too.” There is something beautiful about walking through redemptive moments with your kids. They get to see first hand the humility and courage it takes to ask for forgiveness. They learn early that everyone is in need of grace and what it looks like to forgive others. They learn that you as the parent aren't high and lofty, unapproachable and judgmental. And they learn that though you are imperfect you are striving to not be hypocritical. These are all very important things in faith development. It’s no coincidence that excessive judgment and hypocrisy in the home are reasons I often hear young people say they want nothing to do with their parents’ faith.

Lastly, and I won’t spend too much time on this one, never use faith as a punishment or a tool to manipulate. It sickens me when I hear stories of parents manipulating their kids by saying things like, “Clean your room or Jesus will very upset with you.” If that sounds crazy, good!  It should. Don’t ever use Jesus as cheap manipulation trick to get your kids to do what you want. Likewise, don’t use faith as a punishment. I know a girl whose father made her and her siblings read scripture as punishment. He would also make them pray in front of him and if their prayer didn't seem passionate enough, or if it sounded too much like yesterday’s prayer he would make them start over. Horrible. Needless to say, this girl’s understanding of God is severely messed up.

I think these three things are a great starting point for how to lead your kids to the cross in a way that is appealing and not repulsive to them. This blog, of course, covered the more general approach and mindset of the parent and not the specifics of what to say when you have discussions of faith with your kids. That is too fluid and dependent on the kid and the situation. Pray and ask God to give you the right things to say in those conversations. When we need wisdom God is glad to give it (James 1:5). 

Sonny Saturday #3: Raising Emotionally Intelligent boys!

I want to start with an apology if you are all about boys being macho and aggressive and think that teaching them emotional intelligence is a waste. I am a therapist and I cannot adhere to those ideas. I believe that each of us was created with an internal life and that a lot of boys are not taught emotional intelligence so they end up being overly aggressive, angry, bitter, dishonest, unfaithful, etc... Being able to manage emotions and understand them is priceless. The following ideas are taken from this book:

Here are some strategies given in the book to help boys grow into an emotionally intelligent young man.

• Give Boys Permission to Have an Internal Life

(Erica's Thoughts) This one to me is very important because I was raised in the midwest where you need to "Man up" and "Boys Don't cry" and "you shouldn't be a Nancy." I have always hated that mentality. My husband was raised very well. He is able to express emotion and not be ashamed of it in the least. He is also not a cry baby by any stretch of the imagination and has a tough skin about him when he needs to. I think we CAN do both. The way I do this with Max has already started. I hear people that have little bitty boys who says things like don't be a baby to a....BABY! When Max is whining or crying for some reason, I always try to say positive things (he may not understand now, but it's a great practice) to acknowledge that he has feelings as well and they are valid. An example is that Max is very impatient when it comes to getting his bottle. When he is hungry, he is hungry NOW....5 minutes ago! He starts to whine to let us know it's time and then in about 30 seconds it is crying and screaming for a bottle. This is pretty much the only thing that upsets my sweet boy. (His mama looks a little like this when she's hungry too) When he does this, I go to make the bottle and while I am warming it up or fixing it, I say things like "Max, it's okay that you are frustrated with being hungry. It hurts your tummy to be hungry and that makes you cry. I will be in there in a minute with your bottle and you'll feel better but for now, cry it out" It may sound ridiculous to say this to a 5 month old baby but I will need to be practicing this dialogue for when he is 3-4 years old and gets disappointed because he can't have something or do something. I need him to understand that negative emotions are part of life and I can't take away all of the negative but I sure can acknowledge that life sucks sometimes.

• Recognize and accept the high activity level in boys

(Erica's Thoughts) In my experience with little boys, which is extensive to include being a nanny, being an aunt of two small boys, teaching in 1st grade classrooms, teaching 3-5 year olds while mommies were in MOPS, and of course being Max's mommy...I have seen some disturbing trends. A lot of people what to make little boys into little girls. I don't mean that they are wanting a gender reassignment...just that they expect them to have the same developmental stages, the same level of patience, and the same ability to play with their minds and imaginations in a quiet reserved way. Let me tell you, BOYS ARE ACTIVE. They use their whole bodies to play and express themselves. It is imperative that we, as parents of little boys, accept the truth of the matter. BOYS ARE ACTIVE!

• Talk to Boys in their Language

(Erica's Thoughts) In my opinion and experience the most important component of this idea is to accept that boys are less verbal at times and their answers may be one word, and that's okay. Also, boys respond very harshly to things that shame them or "beat a dead horse." I have learned in my marriage that telling my husband what I believe he is done to hurt me or wrong me is where it needs to stop. He cannot process shame and if I continue to talk about the presumed wrong it shuts him down. We need to remember this with our little guys too. Shame can really shut down communication with a boy and being able to be direct, clear, and concise is the best way to communicate with them. 

I am a huge fan of this book and what these authors have to say about raising boys. What do you think? Are these ideas consistent with your little guy?

--Anthony, Erica, & Maxwell--

Family Friday #2: Making time for the family

Last week, I talked about how Anthony and I were determined to get out of debt by the end of 2015. This week we have been looking at our bills and trying to find ways to get some bills settled and help with financial services within hospitals in order to take care of some of the outstanding medical bills. This week, I wanted to talk about something that is very important to our family. It is the designated family time that we carve out.

When Anthony started working for Starbucks, we had been through a 9 month period of unemployment. We had really struggled through several commission only jobs and looked forward to the 60% income that the Unemployment Benefits brought us. Through that experience, we lost a lot of amenities. By that I mean, we were not able to run off to Vegas every weekend for a little road trip, we gave up our Uverse TV, we cut our cell phone packages and we moved out of our 1 bedroom apartment into a friend's guesthouse which they lovingly let us live in rent free for 6 months (Anthony did things here and there to help them out) It was a hard 9 month period.

Although there were a lot of losses during that, there was a huge gain and that was that Anthony and I learned to put our family first. When he was working for a large company that was a lucrative position and made us plenty of money, we sometimes let our family obligations go to the back burner for work. Anthony worked 5-6 days a week at about 14 hours a day. I barely saw him and it was building resentment. Luckily, we did not have kids then because it would have taken even a greater toll on me and a lot on a child.

We decided when we spent those 9 months of unemployment together that we really enjoyed each other's company so much and missed each other deeply during the 3 years Anthony had worked that job. It was grueling. We drew a line in the sand in that time period that we would always mark out a day of the week that others could not touch. We would not let family members ask us to do favors that day, we would not hang out with friends that day, we would not take work that day (even if we desperately needed money) because we had to make our marriage the top priority. Now, we have to make our family a top priority.

You may have heard me mention Married Mondays before and that is what Anthony and I call our day. We are not available to anyone else but each other on Mondays. There have been minimal times when we have had to do doctor appointments or something else important on a Monday but we always go together and make a day of it. We use this day to spend time together and sometimes it means that we do fun things like drive in the country, order pizza, watch a movie, go out to dinner, etc.. but sometimes it means we work on a household project together. Either way, we do not let others take this time from us. I would advise anyone that wants to have a tight knit, happy family to carve out time for it. Whether that means you have a sacred day like ours, a time of day (like 3 hours before bedtime), or even every other week...keep that time for your family and don't let others intrude upon it and overall...do not commit to anything on that day without the permission of all family members. Families need time together. They don't stay together without it!

Thankful Thursday #2: Being Mindful

We are back today for Thankful Thursday. Thursday's post will be scheduled as I have decided to take a media fast each Thursday to try to get alone with God and Max a little more and be less distracted. If you comment, understand no comments will be moderated or looked at until Friday. (Thanks)

Today we are thankful that parenting helps us be more mindful of our experiences. When we do something with Max, it is always the first time. The other day, we went to see a friend's little boy play his last baseball game of the season. It was Max's first baseball game and we realized going over to the ballpark that this MIGHT be a big deal. Perhaps he will be into baseball and play baseball in the future. It would be nice to be able to tell him when his first baseball game really was. I got home and jotted down the details in his baby book. I think that seeing the world through his eyes makes these experiences really precious and helps you be mindful of the moment you are in.

Since it was Max's first game, we talked to him through it and pointed out good plays, good fundamentals, and cheered our hearts out for the little boy we were watching. If we didn't have Max, I wonder if we would have been paying more attention to our smart phones than to our son enjoying a first experience. Kids have a way of shifting your priorities (like I noted last week) and also shifting our focus.

Take a moment to see the world through your kid's eyes today. It is worth the look!

Wow Me Wednesday #2:Guide to Gift-giving

Today for Wow Me Wednesday, I decided to peruse my Pinterest board called "Maxwell Jackson Jude" for something I found to incorporate into his life that also wowed me a little. One of the values that Anthony and I have really wanted to focus on in our parenting is not becoming materialistic and accumulating for the sake of accumulating. We always feel like we have too much stuff and that we want Max to value the things he has and be grateful for gifts. We have been to Birthday Parties and opened Christmas gifts where children received 50-100 gifts each. It was astounding and disturbing at the same time. We would like Max to enjoy the things he gets but to also understand that they aren't going to be numbering in the hundreds so it would be best if he valued those items and took great care of them. We decided that adopting this practice might help us do that. This is the approach we are going to take for his birthday. We are not sure how Christmas is going to look just yet.

Just to give a picture of what this might look like..let's talk about a 4 year old child. I have a nephew this age and he is really into Superheros and toys in general. Here is an idea of how his birthday might look with this approach

1 thing they want: There is a giant superman action figure at Wal-mart that he has had his eye on. It costs about $25 and seems durable. This would be in this category.

1 thing they need: Shawn does not need for a lot but his bedding was getting pretty shabby so getting the avengers comforter and sheet set seems like a good option here at around $25 as well.

1 thing they wear: Shawn is always doing pretty well in his clothing but this year he needed some shorts. His mama shops at places like Once Upon a Child so let's say she allotted $20 for shorts.

1 thing they read: Shawn could always use more books as any kid could so maybe taking $20 and heading down to Inklings in order to get more for the money would be a good idea.

Budget for Birthday: $90-$100

I know that people spend far more on their kids for birthdays and as they get older, their wants tend to be more expensive so this may look different down the road but I feel like if we keep with this guideline it keeps Max from accumulating. It is less about price for me and more about him cherishing what he gets and not tossing it aside for the 75th present he opens.

What does everyone think about this guide to gift giving and could you do it?

Title Tuesday #2: Wild At Heart...

So it's Saturday and that means it's time to talk about ALL THINGS BOY! I have been looking into John Eldredge's book "Wild at Heart." I know that my views on the first part of the book will not be popular among Christians but it was interesting for me to read knowing that I have been recommended this book several times over the past years. I am glad that I never read this book to help understand my husband, Anthony, because even the first chapter was completely counter to who he is. Here are a few thoughts I had and they are in no particular order of the book so far and I'm just digging in. There certainly could be things that I relate to, understand, and find to be biblical truth throughout the book but so far...here are my thoughts.

Eldredge identifies three burning desires that every man has in his heart. They are A Battle to Fight, An Adventure to Live, and A Beauty to Rescue.  If you can believe it, this is where my head starts to spin and think of all sorts of counter arguments for these things. Eldredge seems to quote movies and talk about film characters more than he bases his thoughts on scripture. I'll break it down into each of the desires...

A Battle To Fight

The author makes a point that "Aggression is part of the masculine design..." I can agree with this in part and then I have questions as it continues. I have noticed in my knowledge of men (which is pretty extensive) that they do tend to gear toward the violent. An example is my nephew, who is only 4 years old, leans toward superhero movies, toys that have weapons attached, and pretends to fight foes that we can't see. Is this due to his male nature or is it because he has a desire to please his father and his father loves those types of characters and movies?! You tell me? When he was a small baby...he was always affectionate, sweet, and cuddly. The violent behaviors really didn't begin until he had seen these images in media and learned that they were the HERO of the story. Maybe men just want to please their fathers and be a hero?! Maybe it's not about a warrior of war and slaughtering people concept and more about being the HERO of everything. I am more inclined to believe that they long to be HEROES because we are made in God's image and I know no bigger Hero! I also believe that their nature being like God's....makes them wish to please their father. I see that in Jesus as well. He was all about pleasing his Father. 

An Adventure to Live

Eldredge's point in this is that God created Adam as a wild being and only after making Eve was he put in the Garden of Eden. I do not read that in Genesis 2:4-9. This would imply that the Garden was created for Eve's benefit and that he was okay with frustrating Adam to be out of his element even before sin entered the picture. That doesn't really make sense of God to me. I realize that my biblical knowledge is limited and maybe I am missing something here but I do not view Adam as a wild creature before Eve's arrival. Actually...If I were to be complete honest...it seems like Eve is the one out looking for adventure and to get into some trouble. It seems to me that this demonstrates that men are genuinely usually content until someone tells them that they shouldn't be. I have to tell you that my view of it is more congruent with my husband and friends of the male gender than what I am reading from Eldredge. Most of my guy friends are completely chill  and relaxed and only want to be happy. The females whom they have dealt with in relationships have at times created discontent in them. Now, I should note, I do think Men like adventure in the sense of enjoying their lives and looking for new and different thrills. My husband is a very adventurous man and enjoys new experiences but is he wild??? I would not call it that at all. He is one of the most content and relaxed people I know and I never see him just itching to "get out of the garden."

A Beauty to Rescue

This section for me was not necessarily proved false but I am not sure it can be proved true without looking to secular sources instead of the gospel. I am not finding this trend in the gospel, of men always wanting a beauty to rescue. Sure, there are stories of rescue and stories of men who were pursuing women but overall the gospel is about men's search for self, connection to God, and purpose. Now, if we are looking at popular culture like books, movies, and tv shows....I start to see the references. Fairy tales are always centered around a beautiful girl getting rescued and so are tv shows and movies that center around the handsome guy sweeping the Hollywood starlet off her feet. I think this story gets perpetuated each generation with differing modern storylines. I do not find it in the gospel the way that Eldredge seems to be pointing out. 

This is what I have come to in reading about these core desires of men. I'm not sure I agree that these are the desires. I think they may just be the following:

A Search for Purpose

A Need to be the Hero

A Need to make my Daddy proud

What do you think? Those of you who father boys...Can you support any of Eldredge's ideas? Those of you who do consider yourselves to be very knowledgeable about the Bible, do you? I'm curious, I don't always think I am right but these are my thoughts so far. More next week....