tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84013646127091368972024-03-05T11:33:33.998-08:00The Max FactorA walk through a biracial couple's journey of parenthood, marriage, and surviving day to day life!~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-2329944255171951892013-08-11T12:07:00.000-07:002013-08-15T12:07:52.984-07:00Soul Food Sunday #6: Stewardship continued...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This post was written by Nick Pridemore, College Pastor, Bloomington, Indiana. You can also find him at <a href="http://www.werdguys.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Werdguys</a> blogging on all things faith and fatherhood. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Last week we began talking about
teaching kids biblical stewardship. I spent most of that post discussing the
bigger picture of stewardship; spelling out why this is something we should be
intentional about. So this week we will look more at the specifics. I’m sure if
you ask 100 people how they teach there kids about money you will get at least
87.392 different answers. I’m not saying what is listed below is the absolute
end all on the subject. But these are some things we do in my house. Feel free
to use them. If you have other methods and areas of focus then, by all means,
pursue those. The point is…do something. Don’t assume kids will learn how to
handle money properly in school or from culture at large.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’ll start by reiterating something
I said last week. Start teaching them about money before they are old enough to
care about money. Use toys as teaching tools. We can teach them to be generous
and not overly fixated on things using what is dearest to them, toys. Every few
months we go through my kids’ rooms and pick toys to give away to kids who
don’t have toys. We don’t mandate that they pick certain toys, or any toys for
that matter. We simply explain how blessed we are and then give them the
opportunity to pick some toys to share with others. Each time we do this I’m
amazed that my kids don’t pick the shabby, torn up toys in the back of the
closet. When they think about sharing with others they want to share the good
toys. Kids are a lot more compassionate than we assume. Give them a chance to
prove it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Once actual money starts coming into
the picture we have a few rules that we establish with our kids. First of all,
we treat allowance as a paycheck, not a freebie. If they want allowance this
week then they need to accomplish their chores. No chores = no allowance. That
may sound harsh, but isn’t that how the world works? One of the problems I see
quite frequently in our culture is that too many people have grown up getting
something for nothing, and as adults think they are still owed something for
nothing. Now, of course, when it comes to grace and fellowship with God we
absolutely get something for nothing. But everything else is to be worked for.
I don’t feel I’m doing my kids any favors by giving them an unrealistic view of
the world. In fact, I feel I am loving them better by setting them up for
success once they leave the house.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Next, as soon as we hand them their
allowance they get their 3 banks out. For every dollar in allowance they get
they take 10 cents out and put it in their Jesus bank, which goes to church to
give to missionaries. Then they take another 10 cents out and put in their
savings bank, which…is saved up. It’s not rocket science. The other 80 cents of
each dollar goes into their regular piggy bank. That money can be saved up or
spent. It’s up to them. Again, I’m amazed at my kids’ restraint and ability to
save their spending money for a toy they really want. I would expect them to
spend their 80 cents per dollar every single week, but they don’t. Kids
understand saving better than you would assume. They just need a chance to
prove it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Another thing we do, or at least
attempt to do, is model joyful giving. My wife and I want to be careful to not
make this an issue of heavy obligation or burden. When we have a chance to
bless someone else, or give to a project that we feel is really important, we
bring our kids into the discussion about it. We want them to see us being
excited about giving. We want them to see that giving is more fulfilling and
rewarding than hoarding. So we let them know what we are doing and say things
like, “Can you believe we get to do this?! Isn’t it so great to get to help <u>
</u> like that?” Be careful to teach your kids that this
type of rejoicing is probably something best done just as a family since it
could come across as bragging if done too publicly. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I think these tips are a great start
to teaching kids about stewardship. However, the thing that will influence them
the most is the day in day out philosophy of money they see from you. So it’s
important that you make sure you are not modeling greed and selfishness 90% of
the time, and then trying to sit down and teach them about the joys of biblical
stewardship. As with every post I’ve shared so far the most important thing is
that you live what you want to teach. So don’t rely on spending money to
enjoy life or show love. Show them that love and enjoyment are readily
available without having to buy things or go on expensive trips. Go for walks,
wrestle, explore a forest, set an egg timer (do people still own egg timers?)
and talk for a half hour without technology…the options are endless. Just show
them what it looks like to not need more more more. </span></div>
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~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-68295923092797661802013-08-04T12:02:00.000-07:002013-08-15T12:02:20.151-07:00Soul Food Sunday # 5: Stewardship and your children; why is it important?!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This post was written by Nick Pridemore, College Pastor, Bloomington, Indiana. You can also find him on <a href="http://www.werdguys.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">werdguys</a> blogging on all things faith and fatherhood.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><u><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></b></u></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEietnJ8NAt_qEM8nTxLYIl5wRi4ixPn6haINbEz5y53tEtdrrA3YmHMXDeoRXOkbaOvBSqPu5CrpF3iKU8O-7rGQqxB5jpVKFNBGn_J5Mioo5_wxuoWxGkt9F69dE-0qWY0iuZ1HxRRQ4DV/s1600/stewardship.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEietnJ8NAt_qEM8nTxLYIl5wRi4ixPn6haINbEz5y53tEtdrrA3YmHMXDeoRXOkbaOvBSqPu5CrpF3iKU8O-7rGQqxB5jpVKFNBGn_J5Mioo5_wxuoWxGkt9F69dE-0qWY0iuZ1HxRRQ4DV/s1600/stewardship.jpg" /></a></div>
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<u><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In
what ways can we teach good stewardship of finances and the discipline of
tithing?</span></b></u></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Money.
Bleh. There, I got that out of the way. I realize going into this post that
money is one of the touchiest topics in faith. This is not necessarily without reason.
It is true that many preachers are overly focused on money. The so called
“prosperity gospel” has distorted Christianity into a false promise of riches
and cushy living while ignoring the true gospel’s offer to “follow Me into
death”. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> It is true
that many preachers seek power and excessively lavish lives by becoming masters
of manipulation and guilt. However, it is also true that many people use these
statements to justify ignoring biblical teachings on selflessness,
responsibility and stewardship. To be blunt, we hate hearing biblical teachings
on money because we love our stuff.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
reality is Jesus talked about money a lot. He talked about money more than
heaven and hell combined. He talked about money more than any other single
topic other than the Kingdom of God. Almost a third of the parables are about
money. Here’s the crazy thing; it was never about money. The frequency
with which the Bible talks about money is not about God needing your money. God
doesn’t need you to fund his kingdom.
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The reason
the Bible mentions money so frequently is summed up in one statement Jesus
made; “wherever your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21).
God actually is concerned with our view and treatment of money, not because he
cares about our money, but because it’s an indicator of where our heart is. For
example, consider the biblical directives to help others in need (Prov 28:27,
Matt 25:31-46, Acts 2:45), use your resources to further the kingdom of God
(Romans 15:20-24, Phil 4:1-20), and tithe faithfully (Malachi 3:10, Matt 23:23-24).
If you are a believer and choose to ignore these because you are unwilling to
let your money go then you cannot genuinely say, “Money is not my treasure,
Jesus is.” No, money is your treasure, but that doesn’t feel good to admit. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Therefore,
we should practice and instill in our children biblical ideas of stewardship.
We should start early. One of the biggest mistakes parents can make in this
area (aside from modeling greed and selfishness) is to assume kids are
oblivious to money and stewardship. Many parents operate under the “don’t worry
about it, this is grown up stuff” philosophy. Waiting until kids are taking
economics in high school to teach them about money is a mistake. By that time
society has already been teaching them to grab everything they can and hold on
to it with all their might for 15 years. Kids as young as 3 or 4 can understand
ideas such as “we don’t need more toys to be happy, lets <i>do</i> something
fun” or “we have so many toys, maybe we should send some to kids who don’t have
toys”. </span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’ve
mentioned this same tactic in other posts; using toys and ideas kids understand
to teach bigger lessons. Isn’t that what Jesus did with parables? He broke the
Kingdom of Heaven down into ideas we can understand by re-contextualizing them
in words and stories we can relate to.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This post never actually got around to answering the original question. For
that I apologize. But before addressing <i>how</i> to teach stewardship and
financial responsibility to children I thought it was important to solidify
that we <i>should</i> teach such things. Next week I will give some tips on how
we tackle such things in my house. </span></div>
~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-51696162402461848272013-07-28T11:52:00.000-07:002013-08-15T11:52:46.417-07:00Soul Food Sunday #4: Serving with your kids<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This post was written by Nick Pridemore, College Pastor, Bloomington, Indiana. You can also find him at <a href="http://www.werdguys.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">werdguys</a></span><u><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">blogging on all things faith and fatherhood.</span></div>
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<u><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">How do you build a family who serves
others consistently as Jesus instructed us? </span></b></u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There is no doubt serving others is
a central theme in Scripture. To truly live the Jesus life is to serve others.
Jesus said greatness is found not in accolades and fame, but in putting others
ahead of yourself, then he used himself as the prime example saying even the
Messiah came to serve (Mark </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">10:44</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">-45). </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Figuring out practical ways to serve
others is an increasingly important topic to tackle. It’s not that the act of
serving has become inherently </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">more</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> important over the years since Jesus said these things.
However, it is true that our society is becoming inherently less oriented
towards service. The culture in which we live is hyper-focused on autonomy and
comfort. We don’t want to feel responsible for others or burdened with their
problems. Because this mindset is so prevalent in our society even sincere
believers have been coaxed into thinking they are fulfilling the command to
serve as long as they give to charity, which facilitates other people serving
other people. That is not the case. We are called to serve directly (Matt </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">23:11</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">,
Matt 25:40, Mark </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">9:35</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">, Gal </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">5:13</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">-14, Phil 2:1-4). We are called to get our own hands dirty
helping others. Because the scriptural teaching and definition of serving will
be counter-cultural to our children it is important that we teach and model
biblical service. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b>Learning to serve others starts in
the home</b>. If my kids hear me teach on putting others first to our college
group, but do not see me serving my wife they will assume it is not really
important. So, personally, I strive to serve my wife, both because she deserves
it and as an example to my kids. We also try to ingrain in our kids the idea
that helping others should be your natural habit. So, for example, when my wife
goes grocery shopping we all (including my 2 year old) stop what we are doing
and help carry in groceries. There are countless ways to instill the idea of
serving among your family. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b>Then we start taking the idea
outside our 5 person nucleus and applying it to others</b>. Teaching kids about
serving is most effective when its contextualized to them. Here's an example,
we often go to other people's houses for dinner or to hang out or whatever. If
a particular house has toys, my kids generally play with those toys. But they
know when I say "We are going to leave soon" that means they start
picking up the toys they played with. Its a great chance to talk about how we
treat others. We discuss that it would be unfair to make a mess and expect someone
else to clean it up. In fact, not only do we clean up what we have done we also
do extra. We leave things better than we found them. Because they have this
frame work in their heads when it comes to toys it makes it very easy as they
get older to apply the same ideas to the rest of life. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> <b>We also look for chances to serve in
everyday life</b>. My son loves holding the door for people at the store. We help
people pick up things they drop. We stop and see if we can help the person
stranded on the road. My kids choose some of their own toys a few times a year
to give to kids without toys. I hope these examples are not coming across in a
braggy tone, because that is not my intention. There is nothing to be impressed
with here. The realty is these are all very easy ways to demonstrate the
attitude of a servant. And that's the key; instilling an attitude of service in
my kids. I don't want to force them to serve others. I want them to see me
enjoying serving others and then follow suit. This is not to say we only serve
others when it is easy and immediately enjoyable. We should strive to serve
others even when it is costly and painful. Especially when it is costly and
painful. But even those times provide opportunities to discuss the sacrifice of
serving, Jesus' sacrifice for us, the ability to feel satisfaction in doing
what is right even when it is not fun and other important lessons. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-16288489600531644302013-07-14T16:06:00.002-07:002013-07-14T16:06:56.527-07:00Soul Food Sunday #3: Teach them how to pray! Part I<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
This post was written by Nick Pridemore, College Pastor --Bloomington, Indiana. You can also find him at <a href="http://www.werdguys.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">WerdGuys</a> blogging on all things Faith and Fatherhood.</div>
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<b><u>How can we teach our children to pray and how does that look over the course of their childhood, babies to school age?</u></b></div>
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<b>Part 1</b></div>
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Teaching your child to pray is something that should happen naturally and organically, yet also requires a great deal of intentionality. By that I mean it should be something you are purposefully teaching them through discussions and looking at scripture, but it should also be something that you do often enough on your own that your kid would learn a great deal without you meaning for them to. Joshua sat outside Moses’ tent and listened to him talk to the Lord (Exodus 33:11). Samuel learned to interact with God through the explicit instructions of Eli (1 Samuel 3:1-10). Both are important, instruction and example.</div>
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The most poignant scripture on learning to pray is in Luke 11 when Jesus taught his disciples with The Lord’s Prayer. However, what is often overlooked is the fact that Jesus had been praying on his own, which prompted the disciples to ask how they also should pray (11:1). So step number one is for you to <b>prioritize prayer in and for yourself</b>. I touched on this last Sunday in discussing how to lead your children to the cross. Really, it’s a leadership principal that isn’t limited to spiritual matters. You cannot lead someone somewhere you have not gone yourself. My children may understand what I tell them about prayer, but they will practice what they see me doing with prayer.</div>
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Another key is to <b>start early</b>. When my wife was pregnant with each of our kids I loved to get close to her basketball-belly and talk to my kid. The idea that my son or daughter would be born already knowing the sound of my voice was incredibly meaningful to me. So I would often lean in close and pray for them. Also, pray as you spend time with them as infants. Obviously, they will have no real idea to whom you are talking or what is being said for many months, but pray with them anyway. I love to hold one of my kids, walk around the house and just talk to God. When the concept of prayer starts to make sense to them I would much rather their thought be, “Oh, so that’s what Daddy is always doing” than “Oh, that sounds weird”.</div>
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The next step of learning to pray in our home is <b>nightly family prayer time</b>. My wife and I take turns saying the first prayer. We always start by telling God we love him and how thankful we are for different things. Then we pray for each of our kids individually, and then for the three of them together. A very abbreviated example would be “Jesus, we love you. Thank you for loving us first and saving us. Thanks for great weather today. I pray for Calvin. Help him to do well on his spelling test. I pray for Adi. Help her ouchy foot to feel better. And I pray for Amelia. Help her to learn to obey and not throw fits. Help all of my kids to know you and love you. I pray that they would bring you glory and point other people to you. Amen.” Again, that’s very abbreviated.</div>
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After the grown up prays each of the kids pray. It’s amazing how much of their personalities come through in their prayers. Calvin is the king of memorization, so his prayers usually sound very similar and always follow the same format. Adi, our artistic princess, can pray for a VERY long time. Her prayers usually meander around in a freestyle conversational tone in which she is sincerely conversing with Jesus. Something like, “…and help all the birds to have homes and food. It’s supposed to rain <span class="aBn" data-term="goog_1804295566" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; position: relative; top: -2px; z-index: 0;" tabindex="0"><span class="aQJ" style="position: relative; top: 2px; z-index: -1;">tomorrow</span></span> so please let all the animals in the woods find a dry place. And help Rashel (a boy we support in Bangledesh) to have food and water and toys. I hope he has lots of apple juice. Well, that is if he likes apple juice. Maybe he doesn’t. So maybe you could get him lemonade…” Yeah, it’s pretty sweet. And our youngest is only 2, so we still help her pray in a repeat-after-me fashion. There are other things that we consistently pray for as a family (friends and family, missionaries, local and world events/tragedies, etc), but that gives you a rough idea of what family prayers look like in our house. The point is, they hear us pray and then they get to pray.</div>
~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-43409052348671116212013-07-13T15:03:00.000-07:002013-07-13T15:03:15.076-07:00Sonny Saturday #4: Read & BuildToday I wanted to highlight a toy that Anthony and I are really excited about incorporating into Max's life when he starts building. Blocks are one of the biggest selling boy's toys around, mostly from the Lego company. I love Lego and really love the problem solving, instruction following, and developmental play that they provide. As you probably know, Lego has a brand underneath them for smaller kids called Duplo. We have already bought Max a bag of Duplo blocks ($5.00 at Black Friday last year) for regular building experience.<br />
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We ran into something pretty awesome at the store though when we were looking for the younger side of Lego. We found these!<br />
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They are meant for the 1.5-4 year old class of kids and are a story book that comes along with the bricks to build characters or items from the story. I have seen this one (Let's Go! Vroom!) as well as Busy Farm, Jungle Animals, Grow Caterpillar Grow, and various others. Each page has a bit of the story as well as small pieces of building instructions so that your kiddo can build as they read about the character. I loved these as they incorporate literacy with fine motor skills. You could also challenge your little one to build something new with the blocks once they have mastered the character in the story and use their imagination to build onto the story. These are a great idea for a new reader or even a little bitty that you want to start to appreciate story telling and building at the same time. This is a great way to involve a boy in book reading because of their active natures. It is easier to sit and listen to a story if you have something to do with your hands to incorporate their energy.<br />
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Anyway, I thought these were great and wanted to recommend them to all of you with little guys!<br />
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Happy Play time!<br />
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--Anthony, Erica, & Maxwell--~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-52664204516847781182013-07-12T12:58:00.001-07:002013-07-12T12:58:31.079-07:00Family Friday #3: Embracing each other's hobbiesUpdate on goal: Our goal that we set was to get out of debt by 2015, I wanted to update you on our progress over this last week. Anthony has been busy looking for a second job that he could do part time in order to add a little income to our home and little output to our debts. He has had a few interviews so please keep him in your prayers. I have also decided to take on becoming a Thirty-One Consultant starting in August. I am hoping it is a profitable idea for me and it will also help me organize the house at a fraction of the price since I buy the stuff anyway! Also, I have been in touch with the financial assistance departments of Indiana University Health as well as Norton Hospital in order to find some reprieve from the medical bills. I have a few more hospitals to contact but I have paperwork printed for the two I mentioned above and am gathering documents to apply for the assistance. Please keep us in your prayers for grace!<br />
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Now, today I wanted to talk about something we do as a family that helps us spend time together and to really bond as a family. I am an avid reader and Anthony is a movie lover! We would like Max to be exposed to both things with appropriate boundaries of course. Since we love these things, we have started to do certain things together to foster that love in each other and in Max. First of all, Anthony and I always are reading a book together. We read a chapter each out loud at night so we can have a story brewing together to discuss. I value this time so much as it bonds us together and helps us have tons of stuff to talk about and chew up (depending on the book) It is not always a learning book but sometimes it is. Right now, we are reading a horror book actually and really enjoying it.<br />
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We also do this with movies, however...we spice it up a bit. We usually will theme a night to a movie including what we have for dinner. For example, if Lady & The Tramp is in store, we are having spaghetti and garlic bread for dinner. If (for a more adult theme) we are watching Forrest Gump, we are having Shrimp! This fun activity always has us thinking of movies we can theme to dinner and let's us enjoy a great movie together and foster Anthony's hobbies.<br />
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Sometimes, an even better thing we have done is read a book together and then, if the book is made into a movie..follow it up with movie theme night! It shows us both that we corporately enjoy story telling...one of us is just visual and the other more verbal. This is a very cost-effective way to spend time with your family for sure. We use the library to pick our books or Inklings (a used bookstore locally) and with movies we usually use our Netflix account (at $8.00 a month) or use a free rental code for redbox and I just budget the groceries around that idea.<br />
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What are your cost effective ideas to get your family together? I love new suggestions!~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-24787233838046083882013-07-11T12:42:00.000-07:002013-07-11T12:42:00.350-07:00Thankful Thursday #3: New Relationships and development<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Thursdays are dedicated to Anthony and I and our thankfulness in regards to parenting. Today, we wanted to talk about one that has come up recently. We are very thankful that parenting has stretched our relationships with others and also brought new relationships into our lives. When we did not have children, it was really hard to understand some of our friends who did have children and it certainly caused us to not be able to hang out as much. It also made some people a little bit inaccessible to us.<br />
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We are building new relationships constantly now that we have Max. We have new relationships with our doctors who take care of Max, people in our lives who treat him like family, and other sources that we would never have looked into before children. Also, our relationships with our friends (with children) are changing and growing and I'm able to go to my girl-friends who are moms and get advice and Anthony is able to go to his guy-friends who are dads and seek the same. It has been a beautiful new experience of being parents. Some of this can be difficult as relationships change with our friends who do not have children, but we know that those will grow in different ways.<br />
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Do you have more friends or less friends since having children? Did your relationships grow due to children? Let us know!<br />
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--Anthony, Erica, & Maxwell--~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-88083088771296193122013-07-10T09:26:00.001-07:002013-07-10T09:26:36.707-07:00Wow me Wednesday #3: Secret Service<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This week, I ran into a great idea on a blog and it was something I immediately wanted to file away for later use. I hope you all can use this idea as well. One of the things that Anthony and I decided that we wanted to instill in Max was a servant's heart. We started by making piggy banks in his room that are labeled "Share, Spend, and Save." That share bucket is a very important one because when Max gets old enough to decide, we are going to let him choose where that money goes. It is important to teach your kids early that there are plenty of people out there with less than themselves and people who genuinely need help. We are okay if Max chooses not to help people and instead helps animals as well. There are plenty of needs at the humane society. We really want Max to use his own passions and reach out to the population he is most driven to help. We know that everyone has different passions and concerns.<br />
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This blog post was really neat because it is an exercise of learning to serve in anonymity. In scripture, it says "When you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing." Matthew 6:3 That is pretty private if one hand does not know what the other one is doing. We want to teach that component of giving to Max as early as possible. It is a blessing to others when they don't have to extend a thank you card or a "payback" on a kind deed. We have had many anonymous kindnesses extended to us over the years and it is nice not to feel indebted when someone helps you.<br />
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You can find the blog post <a href="http://befickle.blogspot.com/2010/03/secret-service-activity-days-activity.html" target="_blank">here</a>. The idea is that you get a top secret envelope and you choose one person to "target" each of seven days. It also comes with print outs for ideas for little ones to serve. I hope you get inspired by this idea like I did and teach your kids ways to give and to give without the thank yous and without recognition!<br />
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--Anthony, Erica, & Maxwell--~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-7456560092485026782013-07-09T09:11:00.000-07:002013-07-10T09:11:13.709-07:00Title Tuesday #3: Wild At Heart continuedSadly I will not be able to post about Wild at Heart because I have looked high and low and can't seem to find it. I looked at the used bookstore and the library and nothing yet. I need to try another library and Anthony says we have a copy in our storage so when I find it, I will continue the read. I read the first chapter online. Please stay tuned next Tuesday for more commentary on the book (fingers crossed)<br />
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--Anthony, Erica, & Maxwell--~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-53952110109924775622013-07-07T12:03:00.001-07:002013-07-07T12:03:34.311-07:00Soul Food Sunday: How do you lead your children to the Cross?<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
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Today's post was written by Nick Pridemore, College Pastor -- Bloomington, Indiana. You can also find him on <a href="http://werdguys.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">WerdGuys</a> blogging on all things faith and fatherhood.<br />
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<b><u>How do you share Jesus with your children and live in front of them in a way that leads them to the cross instead of running madly away from it?</u></b></div>
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This answer centers around one absolutely crucial thing: that you, yourself, <b>have a living relationship with God.</b> I have seen this seemingly obvious requirement cause frustration in parents countless times. I spent several years in youth ministry and saw this all the time. Parents who were not cultivating a meaningful relationship with Jesus on their own would come to me and say, “I just can’t get lil Timmy to care about church or God.” Oh really? I’m so surprised.<br />
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Suppose your family tradition is that each person in your home has a really expensive vase. Yeah, that would be a really weird tradition, but it’s early. Give me a break. Anyway, suppose you harp on your children every day to take care of the vase. You say things like, “This vase is the most important thing you have. You have to care about this vase because this vase is part of your identity.” Meanwhile, your vase is in a box in the corner, shattered into a hundred pieces and covered in dust. No effort is ever made to repair the vase or even get the dust off of it. Would you really be surprised if your kid had a hard time seeing the vase as important?<br />
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This makes sense to us very quickly in other areas, but is often overlooked in the area of faith. James talks about the importance of faith being seen and the deadliness of only claiming to have faith. Peter, speaking to church leaders, said “Don’t lord it over the people assigned to your care, but lead them by your own good example (1 Peter 5:3). If this is how I am to reveal Jesus to people I hardly know, then certainly my own beloved children deserve the same.<u></u><u></u></div>
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If you don’t pray they will wonder why you ask them to. If you don’t read Scripture they will wonder why you ask them to. If you panic every time something bad happens they will wonder what the point of faith is. If you live in front of them as though Jesus’ teachings mean nothing (ie gossiping, slandering, fostering addictions, harboring un-forgiveness, etc) they will naturally assume the teachings of Jesus are not that important. The most natural and organic way to share Jesus is not through formal instruction, but for them to see your actual relationship with Jesus. And by this I don’t mean “take ‘em to church!” I believe being part of a covenant community is important, but taking your kids to church is not the totality of modeling faith for them. Church is less than half of the equation. A fraction of the equation. If you want the gospel to take root in your child’s life and shape the way she lives, then she needs to be seeing how the gospel is shaping your life. So step one is make sure your relationship with Jesus is growing and alive. Not perfect, but alive and heading in the right direction.</div>
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I’ll share two other thoughts that I see as important. I have found that after letting them see my own faith in daily life the second most important thing is transparency. Something that has been monumental in my parenting is<b> bringing my kids into an awareness that I mess up.</b> Of course, this is to be done with tact and discretion. I’m not saying if you struggle with alcoholism that you should bring lil Suzy to the bar so she can see your struggle. But I am saying be transparent and vulnerable about parenting and other issues your kids are old enough to understand. I have gone to my kids a gazillion times to apologize. “Hey buddy, Daddy shouldn't have been so stern there, that wasn't your fault.” “Come here sweety, I thought what happened was <i>this</i>, but it turns out I was wrong and<i> that</i> actually happened.” “Look, Daddy just messed up. I shouldn't have responded that way, that wasn't the way Jesus would want me to respond. I did it wrong.”<br />
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This may be intimidating to some. After all, “I’m the big smart parent. I can’t let the kid think I don’t know what I’m doing. Even if I don’t know what I’m doing I’m the parent so whatever I say or do is the rule.” You may not think that as straightforward as I wrote it, but many parents operate that way. That’s so unhealthy. To be honest, it turns kids away from faith. Presenting yourself as infallible will only make your child resistant to your faith. They will either be thinking, “I’ll never measure up to Mom. I’ll never be good enough, so what’s the point?” or, “Mom is such a hypocrite. She thinks she’s always right, but I see the truth.”</div>
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So, be honest about your faults. Apologize when you drop the ball. And don’t be afraid to tell your kids you don’t know something. Here’s why this is important in teaching your kids about Jesus. Being honest and transparent in this allows countless teaching opportunities and bonding moments as you tell your children, “Dad needs the grace of Jesus too.” There is something beautiful about walking through redemptive moments with your kids. They get to see first hand the humility and courage it takes to ask for forgiveness. They learn early that everyone is in need of grace and what it looks like to forgive others. They learn that you as the parent aren't high and lofty, unapproachable and judgmental. And they learn that though you are imperfect you are striving to not be hypocritical. These are all very important things in faith development. It’s no coincidence that excessive judgment and hypocrisy in the home are reasons I often hear young people say they want nothing to do with their parents’ faith.</div>
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Lastly, and I won’t spend too much time on this one, <b>never use faith as a punishment or a tool to manipulate</b>. It sickens me when I hear stories of parents manipulating their kids by saying things like, “Clean your room or Jesus will very upset with you.” If that sounds crazy, good! It should. Don’t ever use Jesus as cheap manipulation trick to get your kids to do what you want. Likewise, don’t use faith as a punishment. I know a girl whose father made her and her siblings read scripture as punishment. He would also make them pray in front of him and if their prayer didn't seem passionate enough, or if it sounded too much like yesterday’s prayer he would make them start over. Horrible. Needless to say, this girl’s understanding of God is severely messed up.</div>
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I think these three things are a great starting point for how to lead your kids to the cross in a way that is appealing and not repulsive to them. This blog, of course, covered the more general approach and mindset of the parent and not the specifics of what to say when you have discussions of faith with your kids. That is too fluid and dependent on the kid and the situation. Pray and ask God to give you the right things to say in those conversations. When we need wisdom God is glad to give it (James 1:5). </div>
~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-78331826638922992612013-07-06T19:03:00.002-07:002013-07-06T19:03:54.159-07:00Sonny Saturday #3: Raising Emotionally Intelligent boys!I want to start with an apology if you are all about boys being macho and aggressive and think that teaching them emotional intelligence is a waste. I am a therapist and I cannot adhere to those ideas. I believe that each of us was created with an internal life and that a lot of boys are not taught emotional intelligence so they end up being overly aggressive, angry, bitter, dishonest, unfaithful, etc... Being able to manage emotions and understand them is priceless. The following ideas are taken from this book:<br />
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Here are some strategies given in the book to help boys grow into an emotionally intelligent young man.<br />
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<li>Give Boys Permission to Have an Internal Life</li>
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(Erica's Thoughts) This one to me is very important because I was raised in the midwest where you need to "Man up" and "Boys Don't cry" and "you shouldn't be a Nancy." I have always hated that mentality. My husband was raised very well. He is able to express emotion and not be ashamed of it in the least. He is also not a cry baby by any stretch of the imagination and has a tough skin about him when he needs to. I think we CAN do both. The way I do this with Max has already started. I hear people that have little bitty boys who says things like don't be a baby to a....BABY! When Max is whining or crying for some reason, I always try to say positive things (he may not understand now, but it's a great practice) to acknowledge that he has feelings as well and they are valid. An example is that Max is very impatient when it comes to getting his bottle. When he is hungry, he is hungry NOW....5 minutes ago! He starts to whine to let us know it's time and then in about 30 seconds it is crying and screaming for a bottle. This is pretty much the only thing that upsets my sweet boy. (His mama looks a little like this when she's hungry too) When he does this, I go to make the bottle and while I am warming it up or fixing it, I say things like "Max, it's okay that you are frustrated with being hungry. It hurts your tummy to be hungry and that makes you cry. I will be in there in a minute with your bottle and you'll feel better but for now, cry it out" It may sound ridiculous to say this to a 5 month old baby but I will need to be practicing this dialogue for when he is 3-4 years old and gets disappointed because he can't have something or do something. I need him to understand that negative emotions are part of life and I can't take away all of the negative but I sure can acknowledge that life sucks sometimes.</div>
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<li>Recognize and accept the high activity level in boys</li>
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(Erica's Thoughts) In my experience with little boys, which is extensive to include being a nanny, being an aunt of two small boys, teaching in 1st grade classrooms, teaching 3-5 year olds while mommies were in MOPS, and of course being Max's mommy...I have seen some disturbing trends. A lot of people what to make little boys into little girls. I don't mean that they are wanting a gender reassignment...just that they expect them to have the same developmental stages, the same level of patience, and the same ability to play with their minds and imaginations in a quiet reserved way. Let me tell you, BOYS ARE ACTIVE. They use their whole bodies to play and express themselves. It is imperative that we, as parents of little boys, accept the truth of the matter. BOYS ARE ACTIVE!</div>
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<li>Talk to Boys in their Language</li>
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(Erica's Thoughts) In my opinion and experience the most important component of this idea is to accept that boys are less verbal at times and their answers may be one word, and that's okay. Also, boys respond very harshly to things that shame them or "beat a dead horse." I have learned in my marriage that telling my husband what I believe he is done to hurt me or wrong me is where it needs to stop. He cannot process shame and if I continue to talk about the presumed wrong it shuts him down. We need to remember this with our little guys too. Shame can really shut down communication with a boy and being able to be direct, clear, and concise is the best way to communicate with them. </div>
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I am a huge fan of this book and what these authors have to say about raising boys. What do you think? Are these ideas consistent with your little guy?</div>
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--Anthony, Erica, & Maxwell--</div>
~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-23922490982512799202013-07-05T16:31:00.001-07:002013-07-05T16:31:44.985-07:00Family Friday #2: Making time for the family<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Last week, I talked about how Anthony and I were determined to get out of debt by the end of 2015. This week we have been looking at our bills and trying to find ways to get some bills settled and help with financial services within hospitals in order to take care of some of the outstanding medical bills. This week, I wanted to talk about something that is very important to our family. It is the designated family time that we carve out.<br />
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When Anthony started working for Starbucks, we had been through a 9 month period of unemployment. We had really struggled through several commission only jobs and looked forward to the 60% income that the Unemployment Benefits brought us. Through that experience, we lost a lot of amenities. By that I mean, we were not able to run off to Vegas every weekend for a little road trip, we gave up our Uverse TV, we cut our cell phone packages and we moved out of our 1 bedroom apartment into a friend's guesthouse which they lovingly let us live in rent free for 6 months (Anthony did things here and there to help them out) It was a hard 9 month period.<br />
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Although there were a lot of losses during that, there was a huge gain and that was that Anthony and I learned to put our family first. When he was working for a large company that was a lucrative position and made us plenty of money, we sometimes let our family obligations go to the back burner for work. Anthony worked 5-6 days a week at about 14 hours a day. I barely saw him and it was building resentment. Luckily, we did not have kids then because it would have taken even a greater toll on me and a lot on a child.<br />
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We decided when we spent those 9 months of unemployment together that we really enjoyed each other's company so much and missed each other deeply during the 3 years Anthony had worked that job. It was grueling. We drew a line in the sand in that time period that we would always mark out a day of the week that others could not touch. We would not let family members ask us to do favors that day, we would not hang out with friends that day, we would not take work that day (even if we desperately needed money) because we had to make our marriage the top priority. Now, we have to make our family a top priority.<br />
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You may have heard me mention Married Mondays before and that is what Anthony and I call our day. We are not available to anyone else but each other on Mondays. There have been minimal times when we have had to do doctor appointments or something else important on a Monday but we always go together and make a day of it. We use this day to spend time together and sometimes it means that we do fun things like drive in the country, order pizza, watch a movie, go out to dinner, etc.. but sometimes it means we work on a household project together. Either way, we do not let others take this time from us. I would advise anyone that wants to have a tight knit, happy family to carve out time for it. Whether that means you have a sacred day like ours, a time of day (like 3 hours before bedtime), or even every other week...keep that time for your family and don't let others intrude upon it and overall...do not commit to anything on that day without the permission of all family members. Families need time together. They don't stay together without it!~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-41309085864770541842013-07-04T07:00:00.000-07:002013-07-04T07:00:05.293-07:00Thankful Thursday #2: Being Mindful<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We are back today for Thankful Thursday. Thursday's post will be scheduled as I have decided to take a media fast each Thursday to try to get alone with God and Max a little more and be less distracted. If you comment, understand no comments will be moderated or looked at until Friday. (Thanks)<br />
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Today we are thankful that parenting helps us be more mindful of our experiences. When we do something with Max, it is always the first time. The other day, we went to see a friend's little boy play his last baseball game of the season. It was Max's first baseball game and we realized going over to the ballpark that this MIGHT be a big deal. Perhaps he will be into baseball and play baseball in the future. It would be nice to be able to tell him when his first baseball game really was. I got home and jotted down the details in his baby book. I think that seeing the world through his eyes makes these experiences really precious and helps you be mindful of the moment you are in.<br />
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Since it was Max's first game, we talked to him through it and pointed out good plays, good fundamentals, and cheered our hearts out for the little boy we were watching. If we didn't have Max, I wonder if we would have been paying more attention to our smart phones than to our son enjoying a first experience. Kids have a way of shifting your priorities (like I noted last week) and also shifting our focus.<br />
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Take a moment to see the world through your kid's eyes today. It is worth the look!<br />
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<br />~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-45425363193908564532013-07-03T19:30:00.003-07:002013-07-03T19:30:51.435-07:00Wow Me Wednesday #2:Guide to Gift-givingToday for Wow Me Wednesday, I decided to peruse my Pinterest board called "Maxwell Jackson Jude" for something I found to incorporate into his life that also wowed me a little. One of the values that Anthony and I have really wanted to focus on in our parenting is not becoming materialistic and accumulating for the sake of accumulating. We always feel like we have too much stuff and that we want Max to value the things he has and be grateful for gifts. We have been to Birthday Parties and opened Christmas gifts where children received 50-100 gifts each. It was astounding and disturbing at the same time. We would like Max to enjoy the things he gets but to also understand that they aren't going to be numbering in the hundreds so it would be best if he valued those items and took great care of them. We decided that adopting this practice might help us do that. This is the approach we are going to take for his birthday. We are not sure how Christmas is going to look just yet.<br />
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Just to give a picture of what this might look like..let's talk about a 4 year old child. I have a nephew this age and he is really into Superheros and toys in general. Here is an idea of how his birthday might look with this approach<br />
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1 thing they want: There is a giant superman action figure at Wal-mart that he has had his eye on. It costs about $25 and seems durable. This would be in this category.<br />
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1 thing they need: Shawn does not need for a lot but his bedding was getting pretty shabby so getting the avengers comforter and sheet set seems like a good option here at around $25 as well.<br />
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1 thing they wear: Shawn is always doing pretty well in his clothing but this year he needed some shorts. His mama shops at places like Once Upon a Child so let's say she allotted $20 for shorts.<br />
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1 thing they read: Shawn could always use more books as any kid could so maybe taking $20 and heading down to Inklings in order to get more for the money would be a good idea.<br />
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Budget for Birthday: $90-$100<br />
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I know that people spend far more on their kids for birthdays and as they get older, their wants tend to be more expensive so this may look different down the road but I feel like if we keep with this guideline it keeps Max from accumulating. It is less about price for me and more about him cherishing what he gets and not tossing it aside for the 75th present he opens.<br />
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What does everyone think about this guide to gift giving and could you do it?~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-25301750629767454652013-07-02T13:47:00.000-07:002013-07-02T14:06:20.408-07:00Title Tuesday #2: Wild At Heart...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So it's Saturday and that means it's time to talk about ALL THINGS BOY! I have been looking into John Eldredge's book "Wild at Heart." I know that my views on the first part of the book will not be popular among Christians but it was interesting for me to read knowing that I have been recommended this book several times over the past years. I am glad that I never read this book to help understand my husband, Anthony, because even the first chapter was completely counter to who he is. Here are a few thoughts I had and they are in no particular order of the book so far and I'm just digging in. There certainly could be things that I relate to, understand, and find to be biblical truth throughout the book but so far...here are my thoughts.<br />
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Eldredge identifies three burning desires that every man has in his heart. They are <b>A Battle to Fight, An Adventure to Live, and A Beauty to Rescue. </b> If you can believe it, this is where my head starts to spin and think of all sorts of counter arguments for these things. Eldredge seems to quote movies and talk about film characters more than he bases his thoughts on scripture. I'll break it down into each of the desires...</div>
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<b><u>A Battle To Fight</u></b></div>
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The author makes a point that "Aggression is part of the masculine design..." I can agree with this in part and then I have questions as it continues. I have noticed in my knowledge of men (which is pretty extensive) that they do tend to gear toward the violent. An example is my nephew, who is only 4 years old, leans toward superhero movies, toys that have weapons attached, and pretends to fight foes that we can't see. Is this due to his male nature or is it because he has a desire to please his father and his father loves those types of characters and movies?! You tell me? When he was a small baby...he was always affectionate, sweet, and cuddly. The violent behaviors really didn't begin until he had seen these images in media and learned that they were the HERO of the story. Maybe men just want to please their fathers and be a hero?! Maybe it's not about a warrior of war and slaughtering people concept and more about being the HERO of everything. I am more inclined to believe that they long to be HEROES because we are made in God's image and I know no bigger Hero! I also believe that their nature being like God's....makes them wish to please their father. I see that in Jesus as well. He was all about pleasing his Father. </div>
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<b><u>An Adventure to Live</u></b></div>
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Eldredge's point in this is that God created Adam as a wild being and only after making Eve was he put in the Garden of Eden. I do not read that in Genesis 2:4-9. This would imply that the Garden was created for Eve's benefit and that he was okay with frustrating Adam to be out of his element even before sin entered the picture. That doesn't really make sense of God to me. I realize that my biblical knowledge is limited and maybe I am missing something here but I do not view Adam as a wild creature before Eve's arrival. Actually...If I were to be complete honest...it seems like Eve is the one out looking for adventure and to get into some trouble. It seems to me that this demonstrates that men are genuinely usually content until someone tells them that they shouldn't be. I have to tell you that my view of it is more congruent with my husband and friends of the male gender than what I am reading from Eldredge. Most of my guy friends are completely chill and relaxed and only want to be happy. The females whom they have dealt with in relationships have at times created discontent in them. Now, I should note, I do think Men like adventure in the sense of enjoying their lives and looking for new and different thrills. My husband is a very adventurous man and enjoys new experiences but is he wild??? I would not call it that at all. He is one of the most content and relaxed people I know and I never see him just itching to "get out of the garden."</div>
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<b><u>A Beauty to Rescue</u></b></div>
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This section for me was not necessarily proved false but I am not sure it can be proved true without looking to secular sources instead of the gospel. I am not finding this trend in the gospel, of men always wanting a beauty to rescue. Sure, there are stories of rescue and stories of men who were pursuing women but overall the gospel is about men's search for self, connection to God, and purpose. Now, if we are looking at popular culture like books, movies, and tv shows....I start to see the references. Fairy tales are always centered around a beautiful girl getting rescued and so are tv shows and movies that center around the handsome guy sweeping the Hollywood starlet off her feet. I think this story gets perpetuated each generation with differing modern storylines. I do not find it in the gospel the way that Eldredge seems to be pointing out. </div>
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This is what I have come to in reading about these core desires of men. I'm not sure I agree that these are the desires. I think they may just be the following:</div>
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<b>A Search for Purpose</b></div>
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<b>A Need to be the Hero</b></div>
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<b>A Need to make my Daddy proud</b></div>
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What do you think? Those of you who father boys...Can you support any of Eldredge's ideas? Those of you who do consider yourselves to be very knowledgeable about the Bible, do you? I'm curious, I don't always think I am right but these are my thoughts so far. More next week....</div>
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~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-4073421313585498032013-06-30T14:16:00.001-07:002013-07-07T11:38:58.723-07:00Soul Food Sunday #1: An informed decision<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: 13pt;">Today's post was written by: Nick Pridemore, College Pastor -- Bloomington, Indiana. You can also find him on <a href="http://werdguys.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Werd Guys</a> blogging on all things in faith & fatherhood. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: 13pt;"><b><u>At what age do you believe children can make an informed decision about their faith?</u></b><u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: 13pt;">This question is huge for believers who are honestly concerned with raising children in the godliest way possible. As believers, we desire to see others come to experience the grace and forgiveness of Jesus. As believers, and really just as decent humans, we also desire the best for our children. When you put those two ideas together it is logical to assume Christian parents are concerned with their children experiencing the grace of Jesus. Therefore, this is a very significant question.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: 13pt;">The answer may shock you. However, after years of studying theology, doctrine, church history and raising kids myself I am confident in my answer. The answer is I don’t know. Thank you, I’ll be here all week. I say I don’t know because I don’t know <i>your</i> child and there is no static age that applies to all children. Even among my three kids, I see a difference in the pace at which they grasp spiritual truths. My seven-year-old son is a thinker. He’s cerebral and quietly wades through topics in his head that are way beyond his age. For example, when he had just turned 5 he was riding with me in the car somewhere when he said, “Daddy, the universe is big right?” “Yep.” “Ok, but, what’s on the other side of its edge?” No response. I just sat there silently stunned and realizing my kindergartner just might be smarter than me. So he began thinking out loud. “Maybe it just goes on forever. No, that can’t be right. Nothing made up of real stuff can go on forever. It has to have an edge.” The conversation ended with me telling him I’d look into it.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: 13pt;">I say all that to say Calvin began understanding abstract spiritual concepts fairly early. He believes in and loves Jesus and I believe it is absolutely genuine. Adi, my five-year-old daughter, is not nearly as cerebral. She is extremely relational. She loves Jesus, but in all fairness she just loves to love things. She is a princess through and through. She doesn’t walk, she glides. She doesn’t smile for pictures, she poses for portraits. If she could fall asleep snuggling furry woodland creatures while birds sing on her window sill each night, she would. So just loves loving. It may take her a little longer to make “an informed decision” that isn’t majorly influenced by the desire to love anyone.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: 13pt;">I believe there is a distinction between believing and making an informed decision. All three of my kids believe in Jesus. But what choice do they have that this point? Especially my two-year-old. It’s not that we are brainwashing them. It’s the unavoidable reality of the parent-child relationship. Small children believe what they are told by their parents and have no reason to question those things. Mommy and Daddy believe in Jesus so it must be true.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: 13pt;">The transition from <i>accepting </i>something to <i>deciding</i> its true varies from child to child. However, I think the following loose timeline is generally true.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: 13pt;">Ages 0-3: The parents demonstrate faith in daily life with the children. Pray with them. Discuss God and faith in front of them. Read scripture to them.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Lucida Grande;"><span style="font-size: 13pt;">Ages 4-5: Sincere belief is possible, though I </span><span style="font-size: 17px;">wouldn't</span><span style="font-size: 13pt;"> call it an informed decision as much as mimicking what they see in the parents.<u></u><u></u></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: 13pt;">Ages 5-8: Sometime in this range most kids will be able to make an informed decision about faith. By that I mean a conversation happens in which the child understands basic biblical truths (God exists and created us, we have disobeyed what he said was good and right, we deserve punishment, God sent his son Jesus to take our punishment, now we can love and know God because he loved us first, etc) and that he/she has to choose to partake in this of their own accord.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: 13pt;"> I know these age ranges seem broad and may feel unhelpful. However, I propose that anyone who insists there is a specific age at which all children are able to adequately understand the gospel is misinformed and/or does not have more than one child. The truth is nobody knows your kid like you. You will have a better idea than any pastor or psychologist if they are mimicking or deciding. Neither is wrong, they are just different stages of growing up in a household of faith.<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: 13pt;">Faith is supposed to be a familial thing. Tell your children and your children’s children (Deut 6:7, Deut 11:9). Train up a child in the way he should go (Prov 22:6). Do not keep the children from coming to me (Matthew <span class="aBn" data-term="goog_1484704404" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; position: relative; top: -2px; z-index: 0;" tabindex="0"><span class="aQJ" style="position: relative; top: 2px; z-index: -1;">19:14</span></span>). But as for me and my house, we will serve The Lord (Joshua 24:15). Then the guard and his entire family were all baptized (Acts <span class="aBn" data-term="goog_1484704405" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; position: relative; top: -2px; z-index: 0;" tabindex="0"><span class="aQJ" style="position: relative; top: 2px; z-index: -1;">16:33</span></span>).<u></u><u></u></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: 13pt;">So start early, know your children, and share your faith with them often. Live it in front of them and you will know when they are ready. </span></div>
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~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-24315939690256805752013-06-29T07:09:00.000-07:002013-07-03T07:09:50.646-07:00Sonny Saturday #2: 20 things no one ever told us about raising a boy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I apologize for the confusion. I posted Tuesday's post on Saturday's schedule so this is the REAL Sonny Saturday<br />
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Today I read an article called "20 Things No One Ever Told Us About Raising a Boy."<br />
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I am going to paraphrase the article here to give you the information that I read. I also wrote about what I felt about these unknown factors.<br />
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Here are the 20 things...<br />
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1. <b><u>There will be planes, trains, and automobiles:</u></b> First, I think that I always knew boys generally liked automobiles of all kinds. This really doesn't bother me because my childhood was overwhelming female. I am one of 4 girls and that means we had our fair share of dolls, barbies, makeup, hair items, and easy bake ovens. I should note, I also have a lot of matchbox Mustangs and Die Cast models. I like cars! Whatever Max is into, I am going to try my best to learn about and be interested as well. As for worrying about gender specific toys, I plan to buy educational toys until he can be drawn to something himself. He will work out what is interesting to him.<br />
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2. <u style="font-weight: bold;">Boys Don't Stop Moving:</u> I am bit in the middle about this one. I certainly feel like I know it due to being an Aunt to two boys. I also feel extremely anxious knowing it. I have been working on being in better shape and losing weight so that keeping up with Max as he becomes mobile won't be so hard on me but I think the better attitude is to see it as a blessing that he is going to be active because it will cause me to be more active. I was a very active child involved in sports and somewhere along the line, I became rather lazy with my body. Maybe this could turn things around?!<br />
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3. <u style="font-weight: bold;">Clothes Shopping is Easy and Cheap:</u> This one I knew for sure. Two reasons for me knowing this one was that I was a nanny for a boy in California and I would pick out his clothes for him and he was completely satisfied in whatever I chose. In saying that, there wasn't really a strict budget for him as his father gave me plenty to clothe him for the school year and summers. Max will certainly be on more of a budget than he is. So far, it's been extremely cheap to clothe him because my wonderful friends have donated bags of their boys clothing to me and I am pretty much stocked up until 2T entirely. Pretty Nice. Aside from that, I shop at Kid Exchange & <a href="http://www.onceuponachild.com/" target="_blank">Once Upon A Child</a> so that makes it pretty easy and cheap as well.<br />
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4. <u style="font-weight: bold;">You will love watching him play with his dad:</u> This is an understatement. I really did not know just how precious it would be to watch my son and my husband enjoy time together. There really is nothing sweeter!<br />
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5. <u style="font-weight: bold;">The Penis Comparison starts early:</u> Ok, I will admit complete and utter ignorance on this one. My Max is only 5 months old and my nephew doesn't seem to be comparing yet at 4 years old so this one is a new one to me.<br />
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6. <u style="font-weight: bold;">You'll learn to love Legos:</u> Now, this one has taken on a life of it's own. I worked at the after-school program in my hometown last year as a part time job and the Legos caused more problems than any other toy because they are the coveted toys. I will add though that this was true for males and females. Legos are just awesome!<br />
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7. <u style="font-weight: bold;">Roughhousing is innate: </u> Although I am not seeing this yet in Max, it is completely evident in my nephews. Being rough and "wrestling" seems to be a blast for them and in my opinion probably not going to hurt anyone as long as it is just that..playing!<br />
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8. <u style="font-weight: bold;">You'll want to mold him into a stellar boyfriend: </u> I already feel the urge for this. When I gave birth to my little man, I thought about him one day being a husband and father and realized that my job was pretty big to raise him correctly to respect women and be a stand up guy.<br />
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9. <u style="font-weight: bold;">The Goofiness Starts Early:</u> This one I was pretty aware of with my nephew and also my buddy Nick wrote a post about his 7 year old <a href="http://werdguys.wordpress.com/2013/06/02/weirdo/" target="_blank">here</a> and the weirdness that ensued when he turned 7. It was entertaining and opens up my eyes to things that might not be so fun but are just part of the boy nature.<br />
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10. <u style="font-weight: bold;">Even Sweet as Pie Boys Love Guns: </u> This one I have seen some evidence of in my nephew as well because he is not allowed to have play guns in his house and yet, he makes guns out of anything that could possibly resemble a gun so he can be a hero. I think it's the hero concept that is inborn that I mentioned in my blog about man's basic desires. I'm not sure yet where I sit on play guns/Max but when it comes up...I'll let you know<br />
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11. <u style="font-weight: bold;">You'll learn not to compare your son to girls</u>: This one I learned VERY early with my nieces and nephews. Kaylea (my 3 year old niece) was talking at 6 months and was using full sentences by a year for sure. My nephew Shawn is just now really making sense at 4 years. It has everything to do with their gender. Now, I should also note that Kaylea was not coordinated and still battles fine motor skills where as Shawn could put together a piece of furniture with 1,000 small parts, I am sure. I have accepted that everyone develops as their own rate and we can't compare children. Especially since my son was 2 months early, he is going to most likely reach milestones at his gestational age.<br />
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12. <u style="font-weight: bold;">Star Wars takes over earlier than you expect:</u> This one I wasn't aware of and don't really care as long as he is watching it when it's appropriate to do so. We are not big on screen time so I'm not sure how this will play out in my house. Anthony is a fan of the star wars movies but they are not played often in my house.<br />
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13. <u style="font-weight: bold;">You'll probably make a trip to the emergency room:</u> AMEN! Let me tell you the number of things that my nephew has done while I was watching him (thanks dude). He has gotten choked on Spaghetti and I had to go down his throat to get it, he has eaten a glo stick and had a glow in the dark tongue (non toxic thank God), he has sprayed window cleaner repeatedly in his eyes. (Don't Judge, I wasn't a mom and it was where he could reach it), and I took him to the movies where he was completely content to sit and watch (until he dropped his bag of gummy worms) and tried to get down and smashed his mouth on the chair in front of him and started bleeding profusely. Yep, I'm ready for these types of things!<br />
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14. <u style="font-weight: bold;">Sports Obsession can be hard wired:</u> I'm glad this one says CAN BE because I know plenty of guys that this is just not their thing. I also know the ones who it is. I think that this is all about interests and can take any form possible. I will say that I've noticed that even those of the men in my life who aren't huge on sports can still have fun throwing a ball around or shooting hoops here and there.<br />
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15. <u style="font-weight: bold;">Pee will be everywhere. Everywhere: </u> Yep, sure do know this one. My nephew has peed in the shower, laundry hamper, behind his curtains, and sometimes even in the toilet. He is also the little guy who dropped his pants in the backyard and when we questioned him, he calmly said "I had to poop!" His house was right there and he was closer going to the toilet. Who knows?!<br />
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16. <u style="font-weight: bold;">You will struggle with gender roles:</u> I'm not sure about this yet. My nephew has certainly enjoyed playing with his cousin's dolls and likes to play dress up and sometimes that means, a dress. My sister is very chill about it but I guess we'll have to see what happens when the rubber meets the road for me. I don't THINK I'll have a problem with it.<br />
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17. <u style="font-weight: bold;">You will revise your wedding fantasies, and be fine with it:</u> For me, Weddings are a bit taboo so wedding fantasies are not really present in my life. I think this will help me to keep my expectations small and manageable for Max. Anthony and I went to Vegas and got married with very few people we knew and loved and loved every minute of it! Not a big wedding girl!<br />
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18. <u style="font-weight: bold;">Boys sometimes need to hug it out:</u> This one I learned from my husband. Anthony is a VERY affectionate man and I think that for that reason, Max probably will be too. I have always known that Anthony needs to be soothed by hugs and cuddles so why wouldn't Max. I often hold him tight and tell him everything is going to be alright and Mama loves him. I think affection is a basic human need, period!<br />
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19. <u style="font-weight: bold;">You will throw away a ton of clothes:</u> HA HA good thing I buy them super cheap at second hand places that are awesome. I am usually losing no more than a couple of bucks!<br />
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20. <u style="font-weight: bold;">Boys Love their Moms:</u> First of all, YAY!!! Second, I am aware. It is so funny. In my house, Anthony does the morning shift of baby care before he goes to work in the afternoon. I usually get things done I need to get done in the mornings like shopping, laundry, etc... or I get a few extra minutes of sleep to be able to handle the day. As soon as Max sees me in the morning, he is all smiles and he is kicking his feet almost to say "There she is...my favorite person...MOMMMY!!!" It's my favorite part of the day!<br />
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Well, what did you learn? Anything? Any moms out there of boys have anything to add to things you didn't know before raising a boy but now you do. I would appreciate any knowledge that could come before approaching these things!!!<br />
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--Anthony, Erica, & Maxwell--~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-81653568703838092382013-06-28T21:17:00.000-07:002013-06-29T21:19:06.715-07:00Family Friday #1: Family Goal!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Fridays are dedicated to talking about things that are family topics. This can vary greatly from week to week and include a lot of different components. This can be family activities, family topics, family goals, family updates, etc...<br />
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Family Friday topic of the day is the Get out of Debt Plan!<br />
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Anthony and I have been through a lot in our short marriage of 5 years. We have lost a child to a late term miscarriage, lost a very lucrative job to the recession, 9 months on unemployment after said loss, moved across the country, and although a HUGE blessing...had a little guy 2 months early that required a month in the NICU. These have all been huge financial hardships and created a mess of debt. Some of it is "good debt" like my student loans and anything that made Max get through being early and other things are "bad debt" like having to let bills go in fear of losing our home during 9 months of unemployment. Through the process, we sought financial counseling. Some of that counsel was wise counsel and some of it really wasn't.<br />
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All of that to explain one of our family goals. Anthony and I want to be debt free (except for my student loans) by the end of 2015. Since this is a post about family and that is one of our goals, I thought that once in a while I would update on here how much debt we have eliminated through our plan and give you our plan for getting out of it.<br />
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First of all, there is always a plan for us to GIVE more. It's extremely hard to sit and complain about your lot in life when you are giving to people in more need than yourself. It is a great way to get perspective as you are downsizing your own life. The other plan is to use 20% of our income towards paying off our debts. That does not seem like a lot but there are other family expenses that really consume the other 70% and then the 10% that we always want to give from.<br />
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Another part of this plan was to downsize our life considerably. This included, but is not limited to, eating ALL of our meals at home, shopping from the Sale ads and budgeting $40/week for Groceries. It's hard but I am almost a genius at this by now. Another thing we did was cut off our cell phones. We were paying $200 a month for our cell phone plan with unlimited data packages. We have since come to the end of our contracts and did not renew them and allowed the phones to be shut off. That was a hard stuff for both us being that we are into our technology! We also are getting rid of our storage unit in California (losing some items is part of this as well) but my mentality is that if we haven't used any of these items in almost 2 years now, we probably don't need it! We also don't have luxuries like cable in our house. We stick with Netflix which is reasonable and unlimited so it allows us to enjoy appropriate tv with no commercials.<br />
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We also run a home based business with Scentsy, are considering adding another home based business so that I can work from home, and I take tutoring clients both locally and over the phone from California. These are all sacrifices we are willing to make in order to get ourselves to a healthy place financially.<br />
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THE WHY....<br />
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Most people would say something like wanting to buy a home, a new car, etc...as the reason they wanted to be out of debt. For Anthony and myself, we have two 12 year old vehicles still running fantastically and they are paid off. If we purchase another vehicle (such as a more roomy SUV) it will be used and we will not be taking on a new loan. We are not planning to buy a home for several more years due to having a place we really love that is VERY reasonable in cost. Our plan for getting out of debt is to teach our son to be a responsible steward and not to purchase things he cannot afford or overextend himself. Also, we want to teach the lesson of giving and enjoying family and experiences over THINGS.<br />
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I will be updating on this goal as often as I see fit and the next time I update, I am hoping to have a number of how much debt we have accrued with collections bills, credit cards, and medical bills. It is probably a large number but I believe that God will bless our efforts and soon enough I will be paying much more than 20% on debt and be able to get out of debt by the end of 2015! Please join with us in prayer on this goal. What are some of your family goals?~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-27090826084188188852013-06-27T07:53:00.000-07:002013-06-27T07:56:14.416-07:00Thankful Thursday #1: The Shift in Priorities<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Thursdays are going to be dedicated to gratitude in parenting. There are so many great parts to being a parent and I am going to take Thursday to talk about some of those things and remind all of you in struggles that parenting is a fantastic blessing!!<br />
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Today, Anthony and I are thankful for the shift in priorities that comes with parenting. When we were pregnant with Max, we really could not feel this shift as much although we had already started to make changes in our house for Max's sake. Some of those changes were that we started to be more frugal in our spending, took our prayer life and time with Jesus more seriously, and really paid attention to how we were feeding our marriage on Married Mondays. We discussed at length how important it was that Max had parents who were fostering their own relationship and growing to be more respectful, more loving, and more committed to our marriage daily. We have never really had trouble with those things but it's always powerful to see how much greater your marriage can get if you press in just a little more.<br />
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I fully believe that Anthony and I have had a pretty ideal marriage over the last 5 years. We are excited to be celebrating 5 years together in August! In saying that, I think it got even better when Max got here. A lot of people warned us that children can make your marriage difficult so we prayed over that and decided to allow parenting to make our marriage even more beautiful. We prayed a lot while we were pregnant about our connection and time together, how we would prioritize our time, and making sure we still were Anthony & Erica while we were Mommy & Daddy. So far, it's been something we have been able to really keep up. One of the reasons this has worked is that Max has really changed our priorities in life. We always think about how our actions affect him. That is really powerful as a human being to consider another human being in your choices.<br />
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We know that as parents, we are the first glimpse of Jesus that our son gets. The things we do in front of him guide his faith so hugely. The way that Anthony treats Max is a factor of how he sees his heavenly father treating him. The way that I nurture him, is the way he sees God nurturing him. I want those images to be loving, caring, nurturing, supportive, and overall for his best. When those things are in the forefront of your mind, it's hard to get snippy with his daddy in front of him for fear that he won't respect his father in Heaven. It is almost impossible to lose my patience with him when I know my heavenly father doesn't lose his patience with me but continues to teach me, gently correct me, and pursue me in love. When you are thinking constantly about guiding another human toward JESUS...it really gets your priorities straight. That is my continued prayer...<br />
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Lord, let his faith walk be in the forefront of my mind as I parent, love his father, and love him!<br />
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That is what we are thankful for today! What about you?<br />
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--Anthony, Erica, & Maxwell--<br />
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<br />~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-27159134856838814472013-06-26T17:16:00.000-07:002013-06-26T17:16:45.147-07:00A Milestone has been reached!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ-lj56Gis20hQt84eP4LFcnHcKQtRDcgPWMzQM-ulTNXhPpgdq_sTNNPI1PnvkQyt3W2S2zYqE8GIcdolTBZ9ouqSsA5oJASY7XTGMppyQyzHYFFQAS9L562McLtD591MWOGAm6MAk4FE/s1600/Milestones.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ-lj56Gis20hQt84eP4LFcnHcKQtRDcgPWMzQM-ulTNXhPpgdq_sTNNPI1PnvkQyt3W2S2zYqE8GIcdolTBZ9ouqSsA5oJASY7XTGMppyQyzHYFFQAS9L562McLtD591MWOGAm6MAk4FE/s1600/Milestones.jpg" /></a></div>
Today my sweet Maxwell rolled over from his tummy to his back during tummy time for the first time! (That was a lot of TIMES in that sentence and I apologize.) We have been working on this for a while due to Max being a preemie. Their muscles certainly develop a little slower than a term baby. We are very excited for Max as this was a goal we had before he hit 6 months with his doctor. He is doing very well considering he is only actually 3.5 months gestational age. I am astounded every day at how smart, strong, and healthy my sweet boy is even though he was way ahead of the game. I appreciate all of the prayers and support you have all offered over having a little guy and being a mommy sooner than I expected.<br />
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Tonight, we are going to celebrate by throwing a blankie on the floor and showing off for daddy! It is never a bad thing to celebrate my sweet pea.<br />
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Congratulations to my little Maxwell...you are my star!<br />
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--Anthony, Erica & Maxwell--~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-88937939054073008082013-06-26T17:08:00.001-07:002013-06-26T17:08:56.186-07:00Wow Me Wednesday #1:Wednesdays are going to be dedicated to ideas and activities that I have heard about that have wow'd me in some way. They might be recipes, crafts, ideas, activities, or even just tips for parenting. I hope you enjoy<br />
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Today's Wow:<br />
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I got a link today in an email that really wowed me as someone who loves literature. Max and I read together EVERY single day. Today's book was<br />
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The page that I was given was <a href="http://harpercollinschildrens.com/Kids/GamesAndContests/Printables.aspx" target="_blank">Harper Collins</a> and was a resource that I really thought would be great to enhance reading time. Obviously Max is too young for this resource today but I did download and save all of them that were applicable for future use. This page has tons of printables to go with various titles in Children's Literature including, but not limited to, Amelia Bedelia, Goodnight Moon, and Charlotte's Web. They are activity pages, coloring sheets, mazes, word finds, and all kinds of different activities. I think this would be fun to incorporate with a book you are reading with your little one. It's always great to add fun to reading so that they learn new concepts and the plots, characters, and ideas are cemented in. The sheets that I went through were also great at teaching new vocabulary. I was loving this page and I hope someone can make use of it the way I did. I just saved them for future use. I will print out a hard copy and put in a binder for Max's reading time later :)<br />
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I hope you all have a great Wednesday!<br />
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--Anthony, Erica & Maxwell--~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-35669051883891920652013-06-25T15:11:00.000-07:002013-06-25T15:11:00.471-07:00Title Tuesday #1: Tuesdays are going to be day that I review a piece of literature. This can be a children's book that I read to Max, a book about parenting that I read myself, a novel that I used as self care, an activity book that Max and I got involved with, etc... Either way....it's a resources day.<br />
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Today's Title is:<br />
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Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul<br />
By: John Eldredge<br />
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I have been given this book a number of times as recommendation to understanding men better. I have not had too much of an issue understanding Anthony. He is a fairly easy man to live with, love, and understand. However, I am starting to think that maybe I should read this book because I am a mommy to a little boy. I think it would help give me insight into Max's Soul and how God created him. I am going to be covering this book as I read it over the course of several weeks. Stay tuned if you are interested in learning about a Man's Soul or would like to read along with me. This book can be found at your local library, Christian Bookstore, and even on Amazon for about $12-$14.<br />
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<br />~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-14789262864236764602013-06-25T05:05:00.000-07:002013-06-25T05:05:00.869-07:00In the news....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So has anyone else noticed that we have been seeing a lot more news lately about race and discrimination? I know it has ALWAYS been an issue and it certainly has been in my life but it seems like since we had Max that there has been a slew (actual measurement) of race related news topics. Examples are the current controversy with <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/21/paula-deen-fired-food-network-cancels-show-after-racism-scandal_n_3480517.html" target="_blank">Paula Deen</a> and then there is the <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/31/cheerios-commercial-racist-backlash_n_3363507.html" target="_blank">Cheerios</a> situation and of course the <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/21/virginia-parents-walmart-biracial-daughters_n_3313143.html" target="_blank">Wal-Mart</a> debacle. Is anyone thinking that this stuff is cropping up a bit more lately? I have been thinking about this and talking a lot about these topics with my husband. We have such a stake in these topics and always have but more these days.<br />
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Sometimes we are asked questions about our relationship or about how we are going to raise Max and it amazes me how much ignorance is still out there so let me be very blunt in this post and tell you a few things...<br />
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Let's start by saying that these opinions are, just that, the opinions of ONE Caucasian woman married to an African American man who have a biracial child.<br />
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So let's start with good old Wal-mart...here is the gist of the story (although you can read the whole story on Huffington Post by clicking on Wal-mart above.<br />
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In Virginia, a (white) man and his children went to do their errands at a local Wal-mart. This man is married to a black woman and they have three young girls together. While in the store, a customer was alarmed by seeing the man and his children together. I believe the words that were used in one broadcast I watched were it didn't "fit." First of all, my stomach lurches at anyone thinking that me and my precious Max don't fit. The family was followed to their home in suspicion of kidnapping. They were confronted on the doorstep of their home and completely confused as to what they had done wrong. It came out that the customer felt like the children and the father didn't "match up." She was asked numerous times by the mother to help her understand what she meant and she could not bring her mouth to say what she was thinking "That white daddy doesn't match to the color of his brown kids!"<br />
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UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH<br />
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Sorry...breaking moment of disgust. I have such a hard time with numerous components of this issue. First that Wal-mart did not just use their security or a customer service representative to look into the situation. I silently wonder if the customer was asked to describe the reasons that she was alarmed and feared kidnapping. Did the children appear scared or coerced in some way? Did the children seem to not know the man? I am sure we are all wondering the answers to these questions. My husband is a very dark black man. I am a very light white girl. Our nieces and nephews are all VERY WHITE. Anthony is allowed to take them wherever he wishes and hang out with them at will. My sisters love that he is in their lives. I would be appalled if he was accused of kidnapping them when Kaylea is jumping up and down begging Uncle Ampy to hold her or Shawn and he are running through the aisles wearing Superman capes. Seriously people, can we use some context? This is the ignorance of one customer who can not fathom that children and parents can be different shades, uncles and aunts can be different shades, etc... That family should have not have to have endured this ridiculous scrutiny because a person was HIGHLY ignorant of what families might look like today!<br />
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My son, Maxwell is a beautiful mix of his mommy and daddy. He has a beautiful light brown hue to his skin. If they ever saw Anthony and Max together and saw how much Max loves his daddy and ever see Max and I together and how he is clearly my little boy...and suggested that we took him, I would be not only angry and appalled but downright hurt. My heart goes out to this family and what they had to endure at pure ignorance. Also, while we are on it..don't immediately assume a white mommy adopted their less than white skinned child. It's rude!<br />
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To open another can of proverbial worms, have you ever watched crime related television because I sure have. I am a sucker for unsolved mystery type shows, true crime stories, etc... and I am here to tell you that I have seen plenty of WHITE males who have abducted WHITE children and killed them, sexually assaulted them, or worse...both! How many times do you think that they strolled up into THE WAL-MART and bought things with these children and didn't get so much of a second glance because "them there kids matched the man, so we just assumed thems was his children!" (Bad grammar completely warranted for my ignorant person dialect) I am done on this topic but I think you can get what I am trying to say here.<br />
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Now, onto Cheerios. Here is a small snippet of the story happening with the Cheerios company. A commercial was created for Cheerios where a little girl (who is biracial; white and black) comes into the kitchen to ask her mom if Cheerios is good for the heart. Her mother, who is white explains to her by reading the box that they lower cholesterol (blah blah blah). The little girl then runs into the living room where her daddy (a black man) is sleeping presumably and pours cheerios right where his heart is. Sweet right? Well, not according to many people commenting on YouTube.<br />
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The comments of this commercial were apparently taken over by people with opinions about biracial/multiracial families. I was not able to actually read any of the comments because they were quickly disabled due to the backlash. The fact that I even had to set up the commercial with race at all just shows you that we are way behind here. Why can't we see parents as parents and accept that families all look different. Thank God, we are not held to marrying "our own kind" anymore and we can be married and procreate with people who look differently than ourselves. Interracial Marriage was fully legalized in the United States of America in 1967. It was legal in some states before this but that date is the final date of all states allowing interracial marriage. First of all, that is incredibly sad but either way that is 46 good years that we have been allowed to have interracial marriages so I'm certain that children have come out of that equation. Why is it still so hard for people to see a brown child who came from one white and one black parent? Why is it harder for people to accept white/black individuals marrying than Asian/White, Mexican/White, etc... Yes, it is harder for people. I think that people who have trouble with interracial marriage have trouble across the board but I will tell you that I got WAY less comments from people when I was engaged to a Mexican American man about how confused my kids would be, why won't we just date our "own kind," and even being told that people were "Okay" with my union as if I gave a frilly (expletive) if people are okay with it.<br />
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My husband and I have talked this to death and there are a lot of things that we are not given because we are a black man/white woman equation. Want to know some of them??? Oh come on, sure you do! We are not allowed privacy in our bedroom! Here is a <a href="http://unitedrantsoferica.blogspot.com/2011/11/black-elephant-in-room.html" target="_blank">post</a> I wrote on my own person blog about the nastiness that people say or ask me about intimacy WITH MY HUSBAND. I doubt that anyone walks up to a white couple and says "So is it true that white men have ...." and are talking about their body parts and what they will or won't do with them! We don't have the luxury of shopping without a WHOLE LOT of customer service representatives following us and wanting to help us. We have looked around too and these customers who are "with their own kind" are not given these beautiful privileges! (Sarcasm completely intended) We also don't get to parent without "your" input. We are told numerous times weekly that people are "okay" with our union and our raising children together. Well thank you random Wal-mart lady #3456, I obviously care since you are pregnant and smoking a cigarette in the parking lot, I really appreciate your incredibly well educated feedback. Now I can go on with my child rearing knowing you are okay with it. Oh and my favorite, our parents are not given just a congratulations when we got married but the ever so popular "How do you feel about (insert Erica or Anthony) marrying outside of their race?!" I have never seen people so concerned about other's feelings until race is involved. How do you feel about your daughter marrying a schmuck? Why are we not given the common courtesy of basic human manners?!<br />
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Man, this soapbox is getting VERY unsteady as I continue to rant. I just want more for Max. I want him to marry whom he wants and not be torn to bits because of it or followed home in suspicion of abducting his own children.<br />
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Oh, yes and Paula Deen. I'm far to tired to battle this one today. Please read the article and be prepared for a later and probably much more passionate post about that. Now onto say something positive and NOT sarcastic. Thank you to my friends. My friends are some of the most well-educated, tolerant, understanding, and not bigoted people I know. They have always accepted me and my preferences without a word and LOVE Anthony for being Anthony and being kind, sweet, funny, passionate, romantic, lovely, deeply good and don't ever mention his race/color unless it's appropriate in context. They also stay out of our bedroom and mind their own business. That's a start. Now if we could just get the strangers out of it we would have room to find out if those myths are true!<br />
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Now that I've offended about 99% of you, I'll let you comment. What do you think?<br />
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--Anthony, Erica, & Maxwell--<br />
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<br />~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-11489318528825186582013-06-23T11:24:00.000-07:002013-06-23T11:24:00.763-07:00Sundays Upcoming<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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For Sundays, I decided to throw my blog to a guest blogger and have him answer questions about parenting and spirituality. I know that not everyone who reads my blogs are Christians but hopefully you can find sage advice and guidance on these posts regardless of that. Let me introduce my guest blogger to you so that you can properly be acquainted.<br />
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The Father who will be writing my Sunday posts is Nick Pridemore. Nick is one of my oldest friends as he introduced the gospel to me when we were 15 years old in our physical science class. He continually pestered me to go to church until I gave in and when I did, I also gave my heart to Jesus Christ. I will never forget the part he played to leading me to Jesus. I have been following Christ since and I owe that first step to a boy not being afraid to witness about his own faith.<br />
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Since we graduated high school in 1998 (gasp) Nick has gone to do many great things including marrying a beautiful woman (Merry Pridemore) and having three gorgeous children; Calvin, Adison, and Amelia Pridemore. He is also a college pastor in Bloomington, Indiana and is FOREVER a United States Marine. I will let Nick introduce himself more to you through his writing, humor, and love of the gospel. I will tell you this, his credentials come highly recommended by me. He happens to be Maxwell's god-father as well. I go to him for many spiritually based parenting questions and I hope you will too. Please feel free to email any questions for Nick to mrsericalewis08@gmail.com<br />
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Each week I will give Nick a reader question or a question of mine and ask him to write about it here. I have encouraged Nick to take whatever form he wishes, recommend reading for us, and break it down in whatever humor he would like. I trust him implicitly so I am excited about him doing Sunday's posts. Next week, stay tuned for our first question!<br />
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--Anthony, Erica, & Maxwell--~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8401364612709136897.post-50128741493133535352013-06-22T10:43:00.000-07:002013-06-22T10:43:33.250-07:00Sonny Saturday #1 OH BOY!I decided to put together some themes on Max's blog to chronicle things I see/want to do/do or otherwise just want to walk about on here and get feedback. Saturdays are going to be Sonny Saturdays due to us having a sweet little boy. I will probably be covering things like discipline for boys, toys for boys, books for boys, activities for boys, potty training boys, all things boys!<br />
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I wanted to start this series by talking about my views on raising a boy and get feedback on your views. Having a boy meant a few different things to me immediately. One of those was that I would be responsible for raising a husband/father. Luckily we have Anthony and he is fantastic at both. He will be a great example to our little guy! Also, I wanted to hit on spiritual leadership, helping to shape a responsible man, and how to teach little guys and big guys alike to do things that they might believe are not their roles. My husband has never been one to fight about his role in the family other than being our spiritual leader. Anthony cooks, does dishes, cleans, diapers Max, bathes Max but also fixes things, works full time, is super masculine and is by all means the MAN of our household. That is very big tight rope in raising boys and I wanted to pick this apart a little bit.<br />
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Also there are numerous issues that parents go through with boys that might be less of an issue with girls. Examples I have heard are the level of violence, weirdness phases, sexuality and body issues, etc... There are a number of issues that mothers of daughters go through more often as well but since I have a boy, I won't be hitting on those. (Unless God has other plans)<br />
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Today's topic is going to be....<br />
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Mama's boy or Daddy's boy???<br />
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I am not sure if it is our geographical region or not but one question that Anthony and I get asked a lot is "Is Max a Mama's Boy or a Daddy's boy?" We always answer the same and explain to people that Max really appreciates us both pretty equally. We are not just being diplomatic. There are times that Max wants nothing to do with me and only wants Daddy and times when he wants nothing to do with Anthony and only wants Mommy. There are also things that we each do with him that he knows is our role. Anthony always gives the bath. I am sure Max would be confused if I did that. Max also is used to mommy comforting him when he has a belly ache as I seem to have the magic touch with these issues. One thing that Anthony and I really focused on while I was pregnant and since Max was born is bonding with both of us in different ways. When I was pregnant, Anthony would read Harry Potter to me at night so Max could hear his voice throughout the whole pregnancy. I fully believe that this has helped him to know Anthony and be completely soothed by him.<br />
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Another thing we have done since Max was born is share responsibility as close to 50/50 as we can. We both feel that Max should respect us both and value us both as parents and part of our family. Anthony learns how to cook all of the major dishes I make so that he is of value in the kitchen as well as I am. I take the time to learn about discipline and rule setting so that Max does not only see Anthony as the disciplinarian. We very much want to be a unified front and team for our child so there is no confusion. Also, it is interesting to me the connotations that get put on a boy child when he is a "Mama's Boy!" Why is that?! I believe that a man (boy) who respects his mother and loves her is probably a man who will respect and love his wife properly. I desperately want Max to respect, love, and honor Anthony as well because that is a man who respects and loves himself.<br />
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So the question is..why the question...Mama's Boy or Daddy's Boy? Just curious!<br />
<br />~Erica~http://www.blogger.com/profile/07982848753686920238noreply@blogger.com0