Wow Me Wednesday #1:

Wednesdays are going to be dedicated to ideas and activities that I have heard about that have wow'd me in some way. They might be recipes, crafts, ideas, activities, or even just tips for parenting. I hope you enjoy

Today's Wow:

I got a link today in an email that really wowed me as someone who loves literature. Max and I read together EVERY single day. Today's book was

The page that I was given was Harper Collins and was a resource that I really thought would be great to enhance reading time. Obviously Max is too young for this resource today but I did download and save all of them that were applicable for future use. This page has tons of printables to go with various titles in Children's Literature including, but not limited to, Amelia Bedelia, Goodnight Moon, and Charlotte's Web. They are activity pages, coloring sheets, mazes, word finds, and all kinds of different activities. I think this would be fun to incorporate with a book you are reading with your little one. It's always great to add fun to reading so that they learn new concepts and the plots, characters, and ideas are cemented in.  The sheets that I went through were also great at teaching new vocabulary. I was loving this page and I hope someone can make use of it the way I did. I just saved them for future use. I will print out a hard copy and put in a binder for Max's reading time later :)

I hope you all have a great Wednesday!

--Anthony, Erica & Maxwell--

Title Tuesday #1:

Tuesdays are going to be day that I review a piece of literature. This can be a children's book that I read to Max, a book about parenting that I read myself, a novel that I used as self care, an activity book that Max and I got involved with, etc... Either way....it's a resources day.

Today's Title is:

Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul
By: John Eldredge

I have been given this book a number of times as recommendation to understanding men better. I have not had too much of an issue understanding Anthony. He is a fairly easy man to live with, love, and understand. However, I am starting to think that maybe I should read this book because I am a mommy to a little boy. I think it would help give me insight into Max's Soul and how God created him. I am going to be covering this book as I read it over the course of several weeks. Stay tuned if you are interested in learning about a Man's Soul or would like to read along with me. This book can be found at your local library, Christian Bookstore, and even on Amazon for about $12-$14.

In the news....

So has anyone else noticed that we have been seeing a lot more news lately about race and discrimination? I know it has ALWAYS been an issue and it certainly has been in my life but it seems like since we had Max that there has been a slew (actual measurement) of race related news topics. Examples are the current controversy with Paula Deen and then there is the Cheerios situation and of course the Wal-Mart debacle. Is anyone thinking that this stuff is cropping up a bit more lately? I have been thinking about this and talking a lot about these topics with my husband. We have such a stake in these topics and always have but more these days.

Sometimes we are asked questions about our relationship or about how we are going to raise Max and it amazes me how much ignorance is still out there so let me be very blunt in this post and tell you a few things...

Let's start by saying that these opinions are, just that, the opinions of ONE Caucasian woman married to an African American man who have a biracial child.

So let's start with good old Wal-mart...here is the gist of the story (although you can read the whole story on Huffington Post by clicking on Wal-mart above.

In Virginia, a (white) man and his children went to do their errands at a local Wal-mart. This man is married to a black woman and they have three young girls together. While in the store, a customer was alarmed by seeing the man and his children together. I believe the words that were used in one broadcast I watched were it didn't "fit." First of all, my stomach lurches at anyone thinking that me and my precious Max don't fit. The family was followed to their home in suspicion of kidnapping. They were confronted on the doorstep of their home and completely confused as to what they had done wrong. It came out that the customer felt like the children and the father didn't "match up." She was asked numerous times by the mother to help her understand what she meant and she could not bring her mouth to say what she was thinking "That white daddy doesn't match to the color of his brown kids!"

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Sorry...breaking moment of disgust. I have such a hard time with numerous components of this issue. First that Wal-mart did not just use their security or a customer service representative to look into the situation. I silently wonder if the customer was asked to describe the reasons that she was alarmed and feared kidnapping. Did the children appear scared or coerced in some way? Did the children seem to not know the man? I am sure we are all wondering the answers to these questions. My husband is a very dark black man. I am a very light white girl. Our nieces and nephews are all VERY WHITE. Anthony is allowed to take them wherever he wishes and hang out with them at will. My sisters love that he is in their lives. I would be appalled if he was accused of kidnapping them when Kaylea is jumping up and down begging Uncle Ampy to hold her or Shawn and he are running through the aisles wearing Superman capes. Seriously people, can we use some context? This is the ignorance of one customer who can not fathom that children and parents can be different shades, uncles and aunts can be different shades, etc... That family should have not have to have endured this ridiculous scrutiny because a person was HIGHLY ignorant of what families might look like today!

My son, Maxwell is a beautiful mix of his mommy and daddy. He has a beautiful light brown hue to his skin. If they ever saw Anthony and Max together and saw how much Max loves his daddy and ever see Max and I together and how he is clearly my little boy...and suggested that we took him, I would be not only angry and appalled but downright hurt. My heart goes out to this family and what they had to endure at pure ignorance. Also, while we are on it..don't immediately assume a white mommy adopted their less than white skinned child. It's rude!

To open another can of proverbial worms, have you ever watched crime related television because I sure have. I am a sucker for unsolved mystery type shows, true crime stories, etc... and I am here to tell you that I have seen plenty of WHITE males who have abducted WHITE children and killed them, sexually assaulted them, or worse...both! How many times do you think that they strolled up into THE WAL-MART and bought things with these children and didn't get so much of a second glance because "them there kids matched the man, so we just assumed thems was his children!" (Bad grammar completely warranted for my ignorant person dialect) I am done on this topic but I think you can get what I am trying to say here.

Now, onto Cheerios. Here is a small snippet of the story happening with the Cheerios company. A commercial was created for Cheerios where a little girl (who is biracial; white and black) comes into the kitchen to ask her mom if Cheerios is good for the heart. Her mother, who is white explains to her by reading the box that they lower cholesterol (blah blah blah). The little girl then runs into the living room where her daddy (a black man) is sleeping presumably and pours cheerios right where his heart is. Sweet right? Well, not according to many people commenting on YouTube.

The comments of this commercial were apparently taken over by people with opinions about biracial/multiracial families. I was not able to actually read any of the comments because they were quickly disabled due to the backlash. The fact that I even had to set up the commercial with race at all just shows you that we are way behind here. Why can't we see parents as parents and accept that families all look different. Thank God, we are not held to marrying "our own kind" anymore and we can be married and procreate with people who look differently than ourselves. Interracial Marriage was fully legalized in the United States of America in 1967. It was legal in some states before this but that date is the final date of all states allowing interracial marriage. First of all, that is incredibly sad but either way that is 46 good years that we have been allowed to have interracial marriages so I'm certain that children have come out of that equation. Why is it still so hard for people to see a brown child who came from one white and one black parent? Why is it harder for people to accept white/black individuals marrying than Asian/White, Mexican/White, etc... Yes, it is harder for people. I think that people who have trouble with interracial marriage have trouble across the board but I will tell you that I got WAY less comments from people when I was engaged to a Mexican American man about how confused my kids would be, why won't we just date our "own kind," and even being told that people were "Okay" with my union as if I gave a frilly (expletive) if people are okay with it.

My husband and I have talked this to death and there are a lot of things that we are not given because we are a black man/white woman equation. Want to know some of them??? Oh come on, sure you do! We are not allowed privacy in our bedroom! Here is a post I wrote on my own person blog about the nastiness that people say or ask me about intimacy WITH MY HUSBAND. I doubt that anyone walks up to a white couple and says "So is it true that white men have ...." and are talking about their body parts and what they will or won't do with them! We don't have the luxury of shopping without a WHOLE LOT of customer service representatives following us and wanting to help us. We have looked around too and these customers who are "with their own kind" are not given these beautiful privileges! (Sarcasm completely intended) We also don't get to parent without "your" input. We are told numerous times weekly that people are "okay" with our union and our raising children together. Well thank you random Wal-mart lady #3456, I obviously care since you are pregnant and smoking a cigarette in the parking lot, I really appreciate your incredibly well educated feedback. Now I can go on with my child rearing knowing you are okay with it. Oh and my favorite, our parents are not given just a congratulations when we got married but the ever so popular "How do you feel about (insert Erica or Anthony) marrying outside of their race?!" I have never seen people so concerned about other's feelings until race is involved. How do you feel about your daughter marrying a schmuck? Why are we not given the common courtesy of basic human manners?!

Man, this soapbox is getting VERY unsteady as I continue to rant. I just want more for Max. I want him to marry whom he wants and not be torn to bits because of it or followed home in suspicion of abducting his own children.

Oh, yes and Paula Deen. I'm far to tired to battle this one today. Please read the article and be prepared for a later and probably much more passionate post about that. Now onto say something positive and NOT sarcastic. Thank you to my friends. My friends are some of the most well-educated, tolerant, understanding, and not bigoted people I know. They have always accepted me and my preferences without a word and LOVE Anthony for being Anthony and being kind, sweet, funny, passionate, romantic, lovely, deeply good and don't ever mention his race/color unless it's appropriate in context. They also stay out of our bedroom and mind their own business. That's a start. Now if we could just get the strangers out of it we would have room to find out if those myths are true!

Now that I've offended about 99% of you, I'll let you comment. What do you think?

--Anthony, Erica, & Maxwell--

Sundays Upcoming

For Sundays, I decided to throw my blog to a guest blogger and have him answer questions about parenting and spirituality. I know that not everyone who reads my blogs are Christians but hopefully you can find sage advice and guidance on these posts regardless of that. Let me introduce my guest blogger to you so that you can properly be acquainted.

The Father who will be writing my Sunday posts is Nick Pridemore. Nick is one of my oldest friends as he introduced the gospel to me when we were 15 years old in our physical science class. He continually pestered me to go to church until I gave in and when I did, I also gave my heart to Jesus Christ. I will never forget the part he played to leading me to Jesus. I have been following Christ since and I owe that first step to a boy not being afraid to witness about his own faith.

Since we graduated high school in 1998 (gasp) Nick has gone to do many great things including marrying a beautiful woman (Merry Pridemore) and having three gorgeous children; Calvin, Adison, and Amelia Pridemore. He is also a college pastor in Bloomington, Indiana and is FOREVER a United States Marine. I will let Nick introduce himself more to you through his writing, humor, and love of the gospel. I will tell you this, his credentials come highly recommended by me. He happens to be Maxwell's god-father as well. I go to him for many spiritually based parenting questions and I hope you will too. Please feel free to email any questions for Nick to mrsericalewis08@gmail.com

Each week I will give Nick a reader question or a question of mine and ask him to write about it here. I have encouraged Nick to take whatever form he wishes, recommend reading for us, and break it down in whatever humor he would like. I trust him implicitly so I am excited about him doing Sunday's posts. Next week, stay tuned for our first question!

--Anthony, Erica, & Maxwell--

Sonny Saturday #1 OH BOY!

I decided to put together some themes on Max's blog to chronicle things I see/want to do/do or otherwise just want to walk about on here and get feedback. Saturdays are going to be Sonny Saturdays due to us having a sweet little boy. I will probably be covering things like discipline for boys, toys for boys, books for boys, activities for boys, potty training boys, all things boys!

I wanted to start this series by talking about my views on raising a boy and get feedback on your views. Having a boy meant a few different things to me immediately. One of those was that I would be responsible for raising a husband/father. Luckily we have Anthony and he is fantastic at both. He will be a great example to our little guy! Also, I wanted to hit on spiritual leadership, helping to shape a responsible man, and how to teach little guys and big guys alike to do things that they might believe are not their roles. My husband has never been one to fight about his role in the family other than being our spiritual leader. Anthony cooks, does dishes, cleans, diapers Max, bathes Max but also fixes things, works full time, is super masculine and is by all means the MAN of our household. That is very big tight rope in raising boys and I wanted to pick this apart a little bit.

Also there are numerous issues that parents go through with boys that might be less of an issue with girls. Examples I have heard are the level of violence, weirdness phases, sexuality and body issues, etc... There are a number of issues that mothers of daughters go through more often as well but since I have a boy, I won't be hitting on those. (Unless God has other plans)

Today's topic is going to be....

Mama's boy or Daddy's boy???

I am not sure if it is our geographical region or not but one question that Anthony and I get asked a lot is "Is Max a Mama's Boy or a Daddy's boy?" We always answer the same and explain to people that Max really appreciates us both pretty equally. We are not just being diplomatic. There are times that Max wants nothing to do with me and only wants Daddy and times when he wants nothing to do with Anthony and only wants Mommy. There are also things that we each do with him that he knows is our role. Anthony always gives the bath. I am sure Max would be confused if I did that. Max also is used to mommy comforting him when he has a belly ache as I seem to have the magic touch with these issues. One thing that Anthony and I really focused on while I was pregnant and since Max was born is bonding with both of us in different ways. When I was pregnant, Anthony would read Harry Potter to me at night so Max could hear his voice throughout the whole pregnancy. I fully believe that this has helped him to know Anthony and be completely soothed by him.

Another thing we have done since Max was born is share responsibility as close to 50/50 as we can. We both feel that Max should respect us both and value us both as parents and part of our family. Anthony learns how to cook all of the major dishes I make so that he is of value in the kitchen as well as I am. I take the time to learn about discipline and rule setting so that Max does not only see Anthony as the disciplinarian. We very much want to be a unified front and team for our child so there is no confusion. Also, it is interesting to me the connotations that get put on a boy child when he is a "Mama's Boy!" Why is that?! I believe that a man (boy) who respects his mother and loves her is probably a man who will respect and love his wife properly. I desperately want Max to respect, love, and honor Anthony as well because that is a man who respects and loves himself.

So the question is..why the question...Mama's Boy or Daddy's Boy? Just curious!

Parameters

Today I decided to write about something that has been bothering Anthony and myself. Since we have become parents and taken our little Max into the world, we have noticed that people do not have good boundaries. I have always known this for the most part with being a therapist but it has occurred to me that people have REALLY poor boundaries when dealing with children on multiple planes. Here are a few scenarios in our minds:

1. Poor boundaries with behavior:

Here is the situation. Anthony was working and Max and I stopped in to see him at Starbucks. We were enjoying our beverages (Me: Iced coffee with toffee nut; Max: Gerber Good Start Gentle) when a man and his two small boys came into the store. The boys were approximately 6 and 8 years old respectively. The 6 year old boy promptly told the wonderful Starbucks Barista what he would like to drink and gave the floor to his older brother. The older brother stepped forward and here is the conversation that ensued. We will call the boy Todd just so we have a name.

Todd: I want a Venti Vanilla Bean Frap
Dad: Todd, I told you that you could only get a tall drink today
Todd: But I want a Venti (loudly)
Dad: I told you no, you are only getting a tall
Barista: So a Tall Vanilla Bean Frap?
Todd: No stupid, I said I wanted a Venti (said in the Veruca Salt Type Voice)
Dad: I said TALL TODD
Todd: I want a Venti!
Dad: We are going to need to make  a change on the other drink ordered. We need to add Vanilla to it.
Todd: Yes, and make mine a VENTI
Dad: and make his a Venti (points to Todd)


WHAT???????????????????????????????????

Am I the only one who thinks this might be the worst parenting EVER! Why would we want to reward bad behavior in public, disobedience, and worst of all rudeness to someone in a service position. UGH. Disgusted!

2. Poor boundaries with physical touch

My baby is adorable and yes his hair is soft and his little feet are to die for but that does not give you the permission to touch his body. This is not a problem with people who know Anthony and I and have a place in Max's life but random man in Wal-mart...keep your hands to yourself.

3. Poor boundaries with my child's image

It is NOT okay to share a photo of my baby on your facebook to people I may or may not know. There are pedophiles out there. There are kidnappers. Yes, I may be paranoid but I have Fort Knox type privacy settings on my facebook for a reason. Please don't share my child's pictures no matter how cute you think he is. There are predators out there and my baby is precious to me. Share your children's pictures if you wish but think about what you would feel if I shared them with people you had no acquaintance with.

Is it me, or should I be annoyed?!

Ring in..I'm curious

Anthony, Erica & Maxwell

Looking at 5 months

It's hard for me to even believe I am typing this but Max will be 5 months old in 2 days! We have really enjoyed parenting so far and take every opportunity to soak in his every new experience. One of things that I heard constantly from parents that I trust was that I needed to soak up this little guy time. I do just that! If Max wishes to be held, I hold him. I kiss his little cheeks, relish every single smile, listen to all of his baby noises, and even try to use the time I am doing the inevitable (changing diapers) to have talks with him about how smart and wonderful I think he is. I love being his mommy!

There are a few other things I am passionate about in being a mommy and I thought I would write about them here.

1. BOOK WORM: One of the things that I believe really got me through some difficult times as a child was books. I loved looking at picture books, being read to, and eventually my own silent reading time. I am the kid who was excited when I was assigned a book report. I love literature of any type really. I like children's lit so much and still have priceless memories of many books that guided me along the way. I like non-fiction where I can learn new things about animals, history, fun facts, etc... I am also the kid who read the entire set of Childcraft Encyclopedias and thought it was the best investment my mom ever made. P.S. She bought it from a door to door salesman because while he was there, I couldn't put them down. I do read the dictionary here and there and try to learn new words. I love reading novels now and finding an author that writes well and builds characters that I can relate to, love, hate, or even just picture in my imagination. I read parenting books, marriage books, psychology books, and even crafting books. I read instruction manuals if you leave them where I can find them.  I want that for my Max. I want him to love books! What am I doing to try to create this love?...a few things. First, I read to him with his breakfast bottle every single day. Today's reading time was this gem:

Anthony and I got this book for Max when we were newly pregnant and went out of town to celebrate my birthday/our 4 year wedding anniversary! It really focuses on something that we are passionate about in our house and that is gratitude to God. Every book I choose for Max I read first and try to find the moral/ideal that we support and try to find ways to help him understand concepts like gratitude, service to others, sharing, love for family, coping with emotions, etc... I know...NERD ALERT but I love my boy and want him to one day be a great adult man and I believe that books help shape those character traits. I still take spiders outside instead of killing them because I love Charlotte's Web! :)

2. GOD: Yes, He should have been first but these are in no particular order. I know that down the road Max has to make a choice for himself about whom he will serve. I am a Bible Believing, Jesus Loving, couldn't be anything without my faith,....Christian. Max's daddy feels the exact same way. It is our job, however, to present Jesus as what HE is really like and allow Max to see that in our lives. We try to do a few things to encourage this and focus on that goal in our lives. One of these things is we both pray with Max separately throughout the day and together as a family. I pray with him with his first bottle after reading time. We pray for Daddy while he commutes to work, we pray for family members and friends (some of you reading this are probably in our daily prayers), and we pray that mommy and daddy can parent him in the way God wants and that even though we will make mistakes, we want to quickly correct them and be honest about those mistakes. Another way we do this is that we recently chose "God parents" for Max. In doing this, we were not focused on finding a couple who could take our child if we both passed away although that is something we have a plan for as well. We chose a couple who are of the same faith as us, have been married longer than us, have children of their own, hold the same values/morals/standards for their children as we do, and are people that we love so deeply that we trust them to help us guide Max spiritually. They are precious to us and we are already going to them with questions, concerns, prayers, and to ask for guidance about future things like discipline. It is so helpful to have them to go to for help. Another way that we focus on God in parenting Max is to really treat each other the way God points out in scripture. I honor Anthony in front of Max, don't talk disrespectfully to him, and try to live by Proverbs 31 each day. Anthony is the spiritual leader of our home, talks sweetly and kindly to me, treats me as Christ treats the church and faithfully puts us first in his agenda each day with sacrifice. He is a wonderful husband and father. I believe that these legitimate action steps will more likely lead Max to see Jesus clearly and love him rather than us SHOVING IT down his throat and forcing him to practice Christianity. I fully believe that nothing I say will create a genuine relationship with God for Max...what I do in front of him and how I treat him and his father are everything!

3. DEVELOPMENT: Again, I know I am a nerd but I want my child to have every opportunity to reach his potential in life so I am a stickler for toys and activities that help him do that as opposed to holding him back. Right now, Max is still little so this is less of an issue but we do limit TV time, we do exercises like tummy time, we take walks, we spend time with our family, we play with toys, we have conversations, we practice word sounds, etc. The therapist in me knows that these days are just as important as school days. This boy is growing so much right now in his brain and it's time to focus on things that matter. I also take every opportunity to let him know that emotions are okay. Anthony and I both feel that it is important that he understands that is okay to be sad, angry, frustrated, etc... It's all about how we handle those emotions. Right now, this just means comforting him when he needs it, meeting his needs accordingly, and validating him with words he may not understand yet but he needs to hear. For example...babies whine a lot even when they don't need anything. Sometimes they are bored just like us. I usually say something to Max like "Honey, I know that you are bored right now and probably fighting a nap. I love you and I hope that you are able to get some rest. I sure don't like being bored. One day you'll have so much to do!" Yes, I do get aggravated by whining. It makes me want to drink! I also know that my feelings are just feelings and that I can control how I respond to those feelings. I take a break if I need it, I comfort him, and I remind myself that he does not have any words yet and that would be very frustrating!

4. FAMILY: Although my family hasn't always been a place of comfort and love, I want Max to have that. The ways that I focus on that are pretty simple but super important to me. Every Wednesday, we spend the day with Nanny (Erica's Mom) My mom is recently disabled and lives alone. She often gets lonely and bored and also has a hard time doing certain things for herself. I have started taking Max over to her house after Anthony leaves for work and we clip coupons together, she snuggles Max, and I make her dinner for the night. I usually try to make more complicated dishes that she would have more trouble doing herself due to being in a wheelchair about 99% of the time. I think that teaches Max a sense of responsibility to your family and a servants heart as well. We get picked up after Anthony gets off of work and go home and have our family time in the evening. Also, he spends quite a bit of time visiting with my sisters (Hilliary & Brittany) and his cousins (Shawn, Kaylea, Madelyn, Johnny, Everleigh, and soon to be baby)  Another important thing we want him to understand with family is boundaries. We teach him that by doing one day a week with my mom and not several, choosing to stay home some times and not always be a part of family activities and keeping OUR FAMILY time sacred. We spend every Monday just myself, Anthony, and Max. That is something we are serious about and ask our family members to respect that time together.

Anthony's family are all in California so we have to do family time a bit different with them. The thing we have done since Max was born are monthly update letters/pictures. Each month, I write a letter from Max to his GG (Anthony's mom), his grandma and grandpa Lewis (Anthony's dad and step-mom), his Uncles (Paul & David) and several of our friends in California who are like family to us. I include a picture or pictures of the current month and talk about all of his milestones and adventures. I am hoping it makes them feel connected between visits and helps them build a relationship with Max and know him.

5. SELF CARE: This is less of an issue in our house but one I wanted to touch on. When we initially sat down as a family and talked about responsibilities between Anthony and myself in parenting we knew it meant we had to give each other times alone and we had to share the load in terms of responsibilities. Parents who are burnt out and verbally abusive are most of the time (if not all of the time) parents who do not take time for themselves and do self care. I am the main caretaker in our house as Anthony works full time. I will be working a few hours starting in the fall but mostly..I am a stay at home mom. I have Max about 80% of his life...by myself. I do all of the feeding, diapers, care, and responsibilities in those times. I am 100% okay with this! I chose it! Although that is true, I did not stop being Erica the day that I became mommy. I take my time to be Erica when I can. Here is how we work our schedule. Each day, Anthony gets up in the morning and does most of Max's morning schedule. He gets his first diaper change done, dresses him, and gives him his breakfast bottle. While he is doing these things, I cook breakfast for us and pack Anthony's lunch for work. Anthony leaves for work and then it is MOMMY time. I do all of his care for the next 10 hours. Anthony gets home and gets settled and he takes over. He does bath time every night, gets Max into jammies and puts him to bed. This is when I start cooking dinner for us and we both set down and enjoy time together. Sometimes this is tv time for us, conversations, playing candy crush, whatever. It is our married time. My time comes when Anthony is busy with Max and I have nothing else to do so sometimes I go out on our balcony and read my Bible and pray, read a book, or even just be quiet and still. The best thing is that Anthony is off on Mondays and Tuesdays so Mondays we spend as a family and Tuesdays is Max and Daddy day. Anthony gives me the whole day to do what I want or need to do. Sometimes I run errands, get coffee by myself, have a friend date, lay in bed and read, or even do a household organization project that I can't swing with a baby. I will soon be using some of those hours to work and that is good time for me as well to be away and miss my sweet pea. My Tuesday night I am refreshed and ready for another week of MOMMY TIME!

These are just some of the things we are doing to enforce values in our house. I am curious to hear what you do?!


--Anthony, Erica, & Max--