Answers to prayer

Well, since it is 6:30 A.M. and apparently my body is done sleeping for the day even though I don't need to be up for hours, I decided to update Max's blog. Yesterday I got a fantastic voice mail that really changed my day and made me start thinking about answered prayers. When we realized that we were pregnant with Max, the ordinary fears began to spark up in me about miscarriage and overall diabetic health. Throughout my journey with diabetes, I have always encountered struggles with my kidneys. If you have ever seen the movie Steel Magnolias, you probably remember that Julia Robert's character had insulin dependent diabetes and had weak kidneys so doctors advised her to not have a baby. She went against their suggestions and had one anyway leading to kidney failure and eventually her death.

I have never been told by doctors not to try to conceive because to be honest, I probably would have listened just because there is no point in having a baby just to leave that baby here with no mother. Although that is true, I've always known that my diabetes being out of control always hit me square in the kidneys. This was not surprising to me when we heard from the doctors that they were leaking protein and may cause me to have a difficult pregnancy. We heard this news in the first trimester and began to take action which included getting put on the insulin pump (I affectionately call Pumpkin) and praying like we were getting paid to.

The way that they monitor how my kidneys are doing is by collecting 24 hrs of urine and checking my creatine levels to determine kidney function. We got the results of the second trimester screening yesterday and sure enough not only were my kidneys stable in their protein leaking but actually had made improvement and my creatine levels were (as the nurse said) PERFECT. I have never heard any good news about my kidneys in over 16 years so this is by far my Thanksgiving miracle. We have so much to be thankful for this year including Max and his upcoming arrival, my health getting so much better, and just having a God who loves us and answers our prayers for peace through a difficult journey.

As Anthony snores in our bedroom and I sit up with pregnancy insomnia, I will try not to complain, be annoyed, or even grumble because after all...this is what I prayed for.

Thanks for stopping in and for your prayers

Erica & Anthony

It is well..It is well...with my soul

So yesterday was a big day for Anthony and I. We had our first ultrasound with our little baby Lewis. Our last experience with this was a tragedy to say the least. Yesterday morning we prayed in the parking lot of the doctor because we knew that our nerves were on edge in thinking what the possibilities could be. When we got into the ultrasound room, Jesus had gone before us. My doctor is a Christian and a friend of our family and on the wall was the verse "He leads me beside still waters" and a picture of Jesus holding a lamb was beside that. The room had dim lighting and the music on in the room was Praise & Worship. More specifically the song "It is well" which happens to be one of my favorites in dealing with some of the painful things that we have gone through in our quest for a little one.

Almost immediately we saw a gestational sac and there was a heartbeat!!!! We are so excited and hopeful for our little one to be with us in Spring next year. We will continue to pray, continue to trust God, and continue to go forward in hope. We are taking this small victory though and praising God for it is well with our souls!

The clock is ticking, 8 weeks down

Well here we are at 8 weeks pregnant! It has been a very interesting journey and some pretty amazing things and tragic things have already happened in my first trimester. My nephew Johnny was born on June 29th and we had no idea we were pregnant yet, but we sure were. Then, a few days ago my best friend from California was told by her husband that he wanted a divorce. It was something that really made me stop and think about parenting and how that looks in a marriage. Anthony and I are very strong in our marriage for sure and we work very hard on it by having weekly time set apart for us, great communication, and a deep and thriving friendship/intimacy. Even though that is true, I started to realize how much more is at stake once you have this little person that depends on both of you to have a life that is fruitful and wonderful. It was a very scary realization as I did not see my friend going through a divorce although I was aware of problems. I feel like giving up was not an option and he clearly disagreed with my dear friend who did not want this for her life.

Yesterday, we learned that one of our friends was in a motorcycle accident with her new husband of two weeks. They were hit by a truck and the person driving the truck did not stop at all. She only had minor injuries but her husband lost his life in this tragic accident. It completely floored us and again had me reflecting on what it looks like to create this little life and then possibly leave them behind or have our spouse die and they lose that part of their childhood. Yesterday, my sister also had an emergency C-section and my sweet niece Everleigh was born. It has been an emotionally overwhelming week. I haven't been able to really think about the pregnancy or prepare in any way. On top of all of that, my other sister (who has 4 week old baby) had a terrible week as her husband lost his job. This was an unexpected loss and not one that they were prepared financially for so there is a lot of stress and trauma going on in our lives.

Even though that is true, I still feel incredibly grateful to have made it to this point of 8 weeks and still be pregnant. My symptoms are relatively mild in that I get nausea here and there, heartburn at times, and the main symptom is exhaustion. I take more than one nap a day so that is pretty heavy. Yesterday I received my first two maternity tops in the mail that I found online on clearance at a great store for plus size maternity called Motherhood Plus. I love them and they fit so well. My clothes are all starting to be very tight fitting and my jeans are the worst. Another symptom I have had a lot of which isn't necessarily typical this early is swelling. I am retaining a lot of water in my legs/feet so it is uncomfortable after a day of work/sitting around.

One thing that is weighing pretty heavy on my mind is the nursery. We have an extra room right by our bedroom that is the perfect size for a child and really has so much potential. The problem: It is full of things we haven't moved into our apartment yet. It is disorganized, messy, and full of junk. I want to get rid of 80% of the items that are in there and I want to organize the other 20% of it and put it in the appropriate rooms so that room is empty and ready to be a blank canvas for our little sweetie! I really can't make any progress on the nursery until we know a gender but things like the crib, car seat, high chair, pack & play, changing table, dressers, etc... can be purchased gender neutral so I have to get crackin' on that nursery! That being said, refer back to my pregnancy symptom of being exhausted. I will spend about 20 minutes straightening the house and have to lay down and nap it off. It is crazy how tired I have been. I relate it to having a diabetic high. It makes you feel stuck to the bed. I have experienced that so many times so this does not feel foreign but always has me checking my sugar just to make sure I am okay!

Overall, this week has been a very difficult week but it has flown by which is helpful when you are trying hard to keep yourself occupied through the first trimester to not worry yourself sick. This experience has so far been pleasant and I feel fine. This is a great place for me to talk since we aren't really telling people that we are pregnant yet. By the way, we have a great idea I found on Pinterest to tell everyone that we are pregnant. I can't wait to share the idea on here and see how it turns out!

I am really looking forward to my first ultrasound coming up this next Tuesday and seeing my little cupcake for the first time. I really hope to hear a heartbeat heavy and strong as well and really have that moment that we did not get to experience with our first angel. We are looking forward and grateful to every experience that parenting holds! Thank you Jesus once again for our little miracle after 3 years of feeling hopeless.

Erica