Title Tuesday #2: Wild At Heart...

So it's Saturday and that means it's time to talk about ALL THINGS BOY! I have been looking into John Eldredge's book "Wild at Heart." I know that my views on the first part of the book will not be popular among Christians but it was interesting for me to read knowing that I have been recommended this book several times over the past years. I am glad that I never read this book to help understand my husband, Anthony, because even the first chapter was completely counter to who he is. Here are a few thoughts I had and they are in no particular order of the book so far and I'm just digging in. There certainly could be things that I relate to, understand, and find to be biblical truth throughout the book but so far...here are my thoughts.

Eldredge identifies three burning desires that every man has in his heart. They are A Battle to Fight, An Adventure to Live, and A Beauty to Rescue.  If you can believe it, this is where my head starts to spin and think of all sorts of counter arguments for these things. Eldredge seems to quote movies and talk about film characters more than he bases his thoughts on scripture. I'll break it down into each of the desires...

A Battle To Fight

The author makes a point that "Aggression is part of the masculine design..." I can agree with this in part and then I have questions as it continues. I have noticed in my knowledge of men (which is pretty extensive) that they do tend to gear toward the violent. An example is my nephew, who is only 4 years old, leans toward superhero movies, toys that have weapons attached, and pretends to fight foes that we can't see. Is this due to his male nature or is it because he has a desire to please his father and his father loves those types of characters and movies?! You tell me? When he was a small baby...he was always affectionate, sweet, and cuddly. The violent behaviors really didn't begin until he had seen these images in media and learned that they were the HERO of the story. Maybe men just want to please their fathers and be a hero?! Maybe it's not about a warrior of war and slaughtering people concept and more about being the HERO of everything. I am more inclined to believe that they long to be HEROES because we are made in God's image and I know no bigger Hero! I also believe that their nature being like God's....makes them wish to please their father. I see that in Jesus as well. He was all about pleasing his Father. 

An Adventure to Live

Eldredge's point in this is that God created Adam as a wild being and only after making Eve was he put in the Garden of Eden. I do not read that in Genesis 2:4-9. This would imply that the Garden was created for Eve's benefit and that he was okay with frustrating Adam to be out of his element even before sin entered the picture. That doesn't really make sense of God to me. I realize that my biblical knowledge is limited and maybe I am missing something here but I do not view Adam as a wild creature before Eve's arrival. Actually...If I were to be complete honest...it seems like Eve is the one out looking for adventure and to get into some trouble. It seems to me that this demonstrates that men are genuinely usually content until someone tells them that they shouldn't be. I have to tell you that my view of it is more congruent with my husband and friends of the male gender than what I am reading from Eldredge. Most of my guy friends are completely chill  and relaxed and only want to be happy. The females whom they have dealt with in relationships have at times created discontent in them. Now, I should note, I do think Men like adventure in the sense of enjoying their lives and looking for new and different thrills. My husband is a very adventurous man and enjoys new experiences but is he wild??? I would not call it that at all. He is one of the most content and relaxed people I know and I never see him just itching to "get out of the garden."

A Beauty to Rescue

This section for me was not necessarily proved false but I am not sure it can be proved true without looking to secular sources instead of the gospel. I am not finding this trend in the gospel, of men always wanting a beauty to rescue. Sure, there are stories of rescue and stories of men who were pursuing women but overall the gospel is about men's search for self, connection to God, and purpose. Now, if we are looking at popular culture like books, movies, and tv shows....I start to see the references. Fairy tales are always centered around a beautiful girl getting rescued and so are tv shows and movies that center around the handsome guy sweeping the Hollywood starlet off her feet. I think this story gets perpetuated each generation with differing modern storylines. I do not find it in the gospel the way that Eldredge seems to be pointing out. 

This is what I have come to in reading about these core desires of men. I'm not sure I agree that these are the desires. I think they may just be the following:

A Search for Purpose

A Need to be the Hero

A Need to make my Daddy proud

What do you think? Those of you who father boys...Can you support any of Eldredge's ideas? Those of you who do consider yourselves to be very knowledgeable about the Bible, do you? I'm curious, I don't always think I am right but these are my thoughts so far. More next week....

Soul Food Sunday #1: An informed decision

Today's post was written by: Nick Pridemore, College Pastor -- Bloomington, Indiana. You can also find him on Werd Guys blogging on all things in faith & fatherhood. 

At what age do you believe children can make an informed decision about their faith?

This question is huge for believers who are honestly concerned with raising children in the godliest way possible. As believers, we desire to see others come to experience the grace and forgiveness of Jesus. As believers, and really just as decent humans, we also desire the best for our children. When you put those two ideas together it is logical to assume Christian parents are concerned with their children experiencing the grace of Jesus. Therefore, this is a very significant question.

The answer may shock you. However, after years of studying theology, doctrine, church history and raising kids myself I am confident in my answer. The answer is I don’t know. Thank you, I’ll be here all week. I say I don’t know because I don’t know your child and there is no static age that applies to all children. Even among my three kids, I see a difference in the pace at which they grasp spiritual truths. My seven-year-old son is a thinker. He’s cerebral and quietly wades through topics in his head that are way beyond his age. For example, when he had just turned 5 he was riding with me in the car somewhere when he said, “Daddy, the universe is big right?” “Yep.” “Ok, but, what’s on the other side of its edge?” No response. I just sat there silently stunned and realizing my kindergartner just might be smarter than me. So he began thinking out loud. “Maybe it just goes on forever. No, that can’t be right. Nothing made up of real stuff can go on forever. It has to have an edge.” The conversation ended with me telling him I’d look into it.

I say all that to say Calvin began understanding abstract spiritual concepts fairly early. He believes in and loves Jesus and I believe it is absolutely genuine. Adi, my five-year-old daughter, is not nearly as cerebral. She is extremely relational. She loves Jesus, but in all fairness she just loves to love things. She is a princess through and through. She doesn’t walk, she glides. She doesn’t smile for pictures, she poses for portraits. If she could fall asleep snuggling furry woodland creatures while birds sing on her window sill each night, she would. So just loves loving. It may take her a little longer to make “an informed decision” that isn’t majorly influenced by the desire to love anyone.

I believe there is a distinction between believing and making an informed decision. All three of my kids believe in Jesus. But what choice do they have that this point? Especially my two-year-old. It’s not that we are brainwashing them. It’s the unavoidable reality of the parent-child relationship. Small children believe what they are told by their parents and have no reason to question those things. Mommy and Daddy believe in Jesus so it must be true.

The transition from accepting something to deciding its true varies from child to child. However, I think the following loose timeline is generally true.

Ages 0-3: The parents demonstrate faith in daily life with the children. Pray with them. Discuss God and faith in front of them. Read scripture to them.

Ages 4-5: Sincere belief is possible, though I wouldn't call it an informed decision as much as mimicking what they see in the parents.

Ages 5-8: Sometime in this range most kids will be able to make an informed decision about faith. By that I mean a conversation happens in which the child understands basic biblical truths (God exists and created us, we have disobeyed what he said was good and right, we deserve punishment, God sent his son Jesus to take our punishment, now we can love and know God because he loved us first, etc) and that he/she has to choose to partake in this of their own accord.

 I know these age ranges seem broad and may feel unhelpful. However, I propose that anyone who insists there is a specific age at which all children are able to adequately understand the gospel is misinformed and/or does not have more than one child. The truth is nobody knows your kid like you. You will have a better idea than any pastor or psychologist if they are mimicking or deciding. Neither is wrong, they are just different stages of growing up in a household of faith.

Faith is supposed to be a familial thing. Tell your children and your children’s children (Deut 6:7, Deut 11:9). Train up a child in the way he should go (Prov 22:6). Do not keep the children from coming to me (Matthew 19:14). But as for me and my house, we will serve The Lord (Joshua 24:15). Then the guard and his entire family were all baptized (Acts 16:33).

So start early, know your children, and share your faith with them often. Live it in front of them and you will know when they are ready.